We pulled into the garage and the kids jumped out of the car, full of sugar and vim and vigor. Tim went in with them as I switched to the driver’s seat and pulled right back out to make a quick run to the grocery store for some essentials for lunches and such.
I felt the weight of the weekend, so full of things done and rushing here and going there and crying children and time gone by so quickly.
I also felt the silence in the car. It was quieter than quiet and for a moment I relished in it.
So much noise in my life.
I feel like my life is full of noise, SO VERY MUCH noise.
My children make noise (K cries A LOT these days) and the t.v. makes noise and the microwave makes noise and the toys make noise and my phone makes noise… You get it.
And my heart, lately – it too is just so full of noise.
Yet, I don’t really hear anything.
It’s like when I go to eat a “treat” and I’m attempting to savor the last bite and in a moment I realize, I hardly even tasted it at all. Where did it go?
I wonder this about other things in my life too…
Where did the time or the money or my energy go?
I feel a bit defeated lately, I have to say. I want this to be a season of joy and love and magic for my children but for some reason this year I just feel rushed and even a bit sad. I’m not finding that joy and I know this is NOT the way it’s supposed to be.
My kids frankly, have not been very good as of late, even though “Elfie” is watching over them, and in turn I have not been the best mother. Or even a good one.
These days I sort of feel like I am just barely getting by at this mother and wife and life thing.
My brain and my house and my heart just all seem so cluttered and yes, I’ll say it again. NOISY.
I think the new year that is around the corner is going to have to bring some clarity and quiet in my life.
It just has to.
