Mediocre

Sometimes I feel like this word defines my life.

Mediocre.

First of all I want to say that I am not writing this here to get comments that say “Oh Elaine, you are so great, etc, etc….” I mean, if you really think that, then awesome but I’m not looking for it.
That’s not why I am writing this.

I say it because it’s true. And because I just FEEL it.

I think in some way we all yearn to be extraordinary. I have tried many things in my life yet I don’t feel like I have ever truly been extraordinary at any of them.

I was a good student, but not the best.

I played soccer fairly well but not the best.

I am a good singer but not good enough to be a professional.

I made decent grades in college and earned a degree but other than meeting my husband at that time, I do not have much to show for it.

I worked diligently and ethically at all of my jobs but never got past being a “worker bee”.

I am most certainly not the best Mother (okay, maybe for MY kids I am, but you know what I mean…)

I run but I do not run the fastest or win any races.

I can make a mean chocolate chip cookie but sometimes they still turn out flat.

I write fairly well but I’m not the wordsmith that others I know certainly are.

I have a blog and I love it and it’s my own wonderful space but it’s no award winner.

I snap some pretty decent photographs and it makes me SO happy to take them yet I do not feel they are as good as they could be.

All of my life I have been average and the yearning to do something extremely well and be at least ONE of the best at that something has always been there for me. And watching others who are SO good at something that I also like to do has been hard at times.

I am being completely honest with you all here. And I’m not trying to put myself down, I just feel, wonder, think – where does the extraordinary come in? How does one get there?

Is my lack of extraordinary because I’m too lazy or not truly motivated enough? Is it because that’s just who I am? I can do many things at once, all of them so-so. Perhaps it’s because I am just one among many, trying to do the same thing….

So what if I focus on JUST one, could I then be the best?  Or really, is anyone ever THE best?  Or are some people just born with BEST-ness?

I wonder, I do.

Where is MY extraordinary?

Maybe it is still to come.

Just maybe.