Looking Back, Facing Forward

Since I cannot use my camera right now I was looking back at pictures from this time last year and pondering some things…

It’s amazing and crazy all at the same time how our kids just keep growing right before our eyes but we don’t really see it until we LOOK back.

And all at the same time we are “growing” too, as people, as parents. We are changing in ways we don’t necessarily see until we LOOK back. And we think about what we used to be and who we are now and that’s just about as amazing and crazy too. It’s hard to explain. But it’s there.

Sometimes I still think of myself as the “girl” that I use to be who had a penchant for writing angsty poetry and listened to music ALL the time.  Or could spend a whole Saturday at the mall shopping or hours in the used book store looking for recipe books or books about home decor. Or when I was a “working girl”, and who I was when it was just Tim and I, before the kids were our primary focus. 

And speaking of focus, some days it is askew. There are occasions when I wish for that time back, to just “spend”. I do. I admit it. But then of course one of the cutest kids ever makes me laugh or tells me that they love me or gives me a kiss right square on the lips and I remember that I wouldn’t change a thing. Except who I am, in some ways, for them.

The other day I was at The B Man’s school for a fundraiser and found myself amongst other parents my age and even a little older.  I looked at them and thought, “How did I get here?  Hanging out with other Moms who have school-aged kids… wearing fanny packs..?” (mind you, I was NOT wearing a fanny pack myself…).  I mean, I was just in high school yesterday.

I appreciate the changes and take them in stride, looking forward, especially as I do get older.  But really, sometimes I do wonder, how did I get here, and so fast?