Looking Back

I wrote on Facebook the other day about how my time as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) seems like another life. This is the space where I documented most of those days. When I take time to come back here it is usually because I am looking for a photo or photos, not necessarily to reminisce.

And it isn’t because I don’t want to revisit things, I do. It is more of a time thing. You know, time is limited and I spend it doing other things. However, it may also be somewhat of a self preservation thing. My life has changed so much since I posted on here regularly. My kids are older and a couple of them are legal adults now. I also help parent more of them that I used to since I have “bonus kids”. Additionally, I am married for a second time, finding love again in my 40s, after an unexpected, but needed divorce.

If you have read here regularly or follow along/are friends with me on social media you know these things about me. They are not surprises. They are my life now. Even though things are very different now, I am thankful I documented much of my bio-kids’ childhoods and my time at home with them on this tiny corner of the internet. When I do find myself here, looking back, I usually smile really big. The very sentimental part of me loves it here.

Last weekend I took my daughters on a trip with some of their friends to celebrate their Sweet 16 birthdays (a little early for each of them). K asked me to bring my “real camera” to get some photos on the beach, so after doing a frantic search for the ole digital camera charger, charging the battery, and making sure I had a camera card with some space on it, I complied.

Unfortunately, while at the beach, the camera lens fogged up and I quickly gave up and reverted back to my phone for some photos. Later, back at our condo I checked to see if I got any shots worth using. After looking at the few I took in 2025, I came across hundreds of photos I took in 2014, still saved on the card. Right there in front of me was the cherub-like face of my little girl, instead of the current teenage one, with her big blue eyes and bright blond hair.

It sort of took my breath away.

With the click of one little arrow button, my girl went from 15 back to 5. It felt like a time machine for my heart.

I kept going forward, scrolling through the photos and realized many of them were taken for posts I did on this blog back then. There were several pictures of one of my favorite desserts that I posted about on here and on Pinterest. Also, a craft I made with my scrapbooking supplies, that also went on Pinterest.

Sprinkled among those photographs were several of the kids playing outside, watching t.v. in their pajamas and handmade hero capes, and even a time when we had a little snow here in Lafayette. Their younger, elated faces beamed back at me, the tiny scenes of memories lighting the way for that corner of my brain.

I probably spend too much time marveling at how much time has passed and so quickly, however I feel like it is justified lately. So many milestones, like graduations, one kid going off to college soon, “kids” becoming adults, me turning 50. This year has already been jam-packed with BIG things and the train just seems to go down the tracks faster and faster… I mean, some of my friends have grandkids (WHAT?!) and my birthday t-shirt says “vintage” (lol). Long gone are the days of “mommy blogging” and tweeting in the middle of the day with all my online friends, while the kids watched Thomas the Tank Engine or The Wiggles. I no longer post very much or ever about a snack recipe, a free toy or food item I received in exchange for a blog post, or our outings to the zoo or on playdates. Little ones napping at the same time is no longer big news.

Do I miss it? Sure, some of it. I miss them being sweet and little and marking their smaller milestones, like first words, first steps, and learning to read. I don’t miss that kind of tired, constantly keeping house, or being asked for a snack.

So, my favorite thing to do now is to look back at those photographs (I took a lot!) and recall that time in my life when I was able to be with them when they were little. I don’t want to forget what it was like to snuggle them on the sofa in the middle of the day or watch them walk out of their room in the morning, all crazy-haired and sleepy, asking for milk. I want to remember that at one point in my life (and each of theirs), I was their everything, their sun and moon, their soft place to land, and all those other clichés that Moms can be.

So I may just keep that camera card as is forever. I mean why mess with a good and beautiful thing, right?