Last.

She steps out of the dressing room in her plaid school dress, as a broad smile spreads across my face.  A mask for my mothering heart that is slowly cracking on the inside.

“Oh baby, you look so cute!”

It is true, she does and she will. Even on the days she dresses herself and I neglect to brush her hair.

 

I see her jump into the pool like an actual little mermaid, her long hair flowing behind her. She swims underneath and comes up for air with her still babyish and goggled face.

No fear for the water.  Only peace underneath it and now learning to float.

 

We clean out the garage and she asks me not to get rid of this or that.  She wants to hold on to the toys that she hopes she can still play with.  But after her, will have no use in this family.

One thing she does not want me to get rid of is the plastic car that has seen better days.  It came to us already used.

I oblige and she gets in and is almost too big.  Her longer-than-I-can-comprehend legs barely fit.

I grin as she looks up at me and says “See, Mom, I can still use it!”

Not for much longer, big girl.

 

She stands by the height measure-er at the amusement park.  The attendant nods.

She can go but she’ll be scared, won’t she?

She rides the ride with big (for little girls) drops and scary (to her, right?) images and as we get off…?

“I wanna go again, that was so awesome!!”

I may have been more scared than her.

 

We lay down on her bed and read a book. It is way past her normal bedtime.  Summer will make that happen.

We giggle over the funny book and I delight in the sound.

We pray prayers and she yawns, just like she has since she was born. But bigger.

Everything about her is bigger.

“A is for alligator, Mommy, not for salad, this book is silly!”

 

And I am reminded that school starts in just a few short weeks.

My last baby will enter her first classroom that conducts itself all day, every day.

I have no doubt in my mind that this place will quickly become somewhere she loves.

A place she will find new friends and delight in all the things she will learn.

But I do have doubt about how much this heart can take it.

 

For she is the Last.

 

 

Inspired by Mama Kat’s writing prompts for 7/23.