Just Punch me in the Gut Why Dontcha

All that went out the window today while at Little G’s (one month late) 18-month check up.

I knew he was sick and most likely had an infection of some sort after two nights of coughing and wheezing. Yeah, that would be due to the double ear infection.

But, I had no idea I would be getting a questionare today that might change our lives or could just be a mere bump in the road. At this point we just don’t know.

They were questions concerning my son’s behavior in relation to the “A” word – Autism – and well kids, we didn’t do SO well… And as the doctor began to discuss my answers with me I felt like I’d been punched right square in the stomach and my head started to spin.

There were about 4 or 5 questions that I didn’t answer “right.” I never was good at Pop Quizes.

But this one concerns my precious boy and right now my heart is breaking. I can’t bring myself to make the phone call to the people who are supposed to come to my home to evaluate him and see if there really is a reason to be concerned. Not today anyway. Perhaps tomorrow.

I left the doctor’s office feeling like maybe I am just not the best mother and don’t pay enough attention to what he does and doesn’t do. But after calling my husband while completely balling my eyes out, he agreed with my answers. And honestly, I didn’t want him to. But, he did.

The good news is that we know Little G does not have any MAJOR problems in this area. He makes eye contact, he talks, he socializes (some).

The bad news is that right now it is possible that he falls somewhere on that “spectrum” as they like to say.

I personally think that they are going to come here and find that there is no reason to be concerned (have I used that word enough in this post?). I pray that is the case.

It’s just that today’s check up was nothing close to perfect and even though we don’t expect our children to be “perfect” we could probably all admit that we’d like them to be as close as possible. I think that is just human nature.

Little G is wading in the bath as I type this, with bubbles all over his head, placed there by his big brother, babbling away. I’m sure he’s fine but of course we have to find out for sure first.

If you have a little prayer in your heart, please say one for him and us tonight. And to my husband, I really wish you were here for me to hug right now. But you already know that.