Decisions For Myself

Sometimes I feel like I am living two different lives.

One is similar to the one I used to live but there is no husband in the house. At the front half of the week there are kids to talk with and hear the laughter of, and homework to be done. There are still schedules to adhere to and a decent amount of laundry. There is bickering amongst siblings and kid shows on the television. There are many messes made in the kitchen.

Those nights there are dishes piled up in the sink, while the other nights there is just one plate and fork.

My other life is that of a “single” person. (Although truth be told, I am not, there is a boyfriend, don’t act shocked.) This includes a fair amount of silence. Which might sound glorious but also prompts me to think sometimes, “Where is everybody?”

Two days a week my kids are not here, and a few days a month I do not pick them up from school either. That part is weird. I have the freedom to do certain things in the evenings, go out with friends or with my boyfriend. I have time to write in peace and time to travel when their dad has them on the weekend.

This Christmas my kids will be with their father so I made the decision to go to Canada. My cousin and her family are excited, especially since she’s never had family visit her at the holidays. And honestly, I had to figure out a way to ease the blow of not being with my children on Christmas. I can only pray this works a little.

Sometimes it seems weird making decisions for only myself. There are usually still other people to consider before I make them, however, some of them are actually just for me. I haven’t made many of these types of decisions in a long time. It’s freeing, but at the same time a little strange.

Things even as simple as what I will eat for dinner without anyone else’s input. However, since this is the life I am living now, I plan to embrace it as much as I can. These decisions also help me figure out more who I am and I what I want from this life. I think that is a pretty positive thing.

So yes, sushi for dinner tonight. Because the kids aren’t really fans.