This post is my attempt at fiction, written for the following prompt from The Red Dress Club…
“In the middle of the night, you (“you” being the character in my story) get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?”
The sharp din of the phone jolted me out of the depths of my sleep. My heart started to beat out of my chest, knowing the phone never rings at this time. Why would it? Hopefully a wrong number.
The big, red alarm clock numbers were like lasers, showing me 2:22 a.m. “Make a wish,” I thought.
When I didn’t feel Alex next to me I remembered he was out of town for a few days, again. I shook off the feeling of being dead asleep, scrambling out of the bed and running to answer it.
The kitchen was dark; all I could see was the light from the microwave time and the orange screen of the phone. I’d searched the nightstand with my finger tips for my glasses with no luck, and the tiny, blurry lights were all I had to guide me. I didn’t want the loud ringing to wake the children. The baby had just gone back down a little bit ago…
Somehow I found the talk button.
“Hello?!”
“Amy??”
It was a woman’s voice – somewhat familiar.
“Amy, it’s Maggie. Maggie Jensen. Remember?” Her few words were shaky.
“Well of course I remember you Maggie, what in the world are you doing calling me at this hour though?”
“Amy, there’s…. there’s been an accident….”
I couldn’t fathom what this had to do with me. My heart continued to race as her words registered. My last memory of Maggie was from my ten year reunion about six months ago. We sat together at the Saturday night dinner/dance laughing about Michael Harris’ bald spot and how we used to think he was the hottest boy in the world. Afterward Alex and I went for drinks with her and her boyfriend, Carl, I think…
She brought me out of my thoughts as she continued.
“… we were driving down Rockford highway and Alex didn’t see….”
Wait. Did she just say Alex?
What the hell does she know about Alex?
“What did you just say?!?! Something about Alex. My Alex?”
“Yes Amy. You just need to come to the hospital. Can you get a neighbor to stay with the kids?”
Did she just say ‘WE were driving’?
“I…. I… “
I couldn’t catch my breath like I was being strangled by some unknown thing. I faintly heard the baby cry out again as I slumped to the floor, like a sack of potatoes, no longer in control of my own body.
I lay there facing the phone on the cold tile next to me and all I could hear were the baby’s cries and her, that woman, saying my name over and over in her panic-stricken voice.
“Amy, AMY, AMY!?!”…
Then.
Everything went black.
Well done!! Honestly I didn’t see it coming.
You need to write a book girl, that was fabulous and I need to know how it ends!!!
Post the next page tomorrow please….
Wow! Totally didn’t see it coming. I was getting anxious for her while reading it. I thought this was fantastic!
Oh! Even after she said his name I had thought maybe they crashed into one another … which I suppose it COULD have been, and could still be, but I like the other way better. Twisty and turn-y-ish.
A few tiny tweaks from me …
No need for the “” around dead, or talk. And I’d drop these words: **with my finger tips** from that sentence. And there needs to be a “c” in panic-striken.
That’s my previous life as a copy-editor shining through, so you can ignore her, if you’d like.
I loved this and I hope you continue with the story. Seriously. I need to know what happens next. Does she get there and beat the crap out of Maggie?
fantastic. i have goosebumps and want more more more!!
Ooh, you better continue this. LOVE IT!
I thought it was great. I loved it. I was sliding to the floor with her.
Ohhh, so good! Love the reveal!
wow. this is powerful, gives me chills. great writing!
You did a fantastic job with your first time at fiction! The whole story gives me chills…so many terrible things she was finding out in that phone call.
AAAHHH!!! That was so good and so bad at the same time. You said a lot without using to many words.
Loved it and want to read more!!!
I also nominated you for a Stylish Blogger Award. I always love to read your blog and how you interpret the different TRDC prompts. Thanks for that!!!!
Wow! So much here in so few words!! I want more, please! Seriously.
I really enjoyed the play by play, her thoughts in between, and how she gets double whammied here. You did that well.
Love this take on the prompt!
I love all the little details – make a wish, hurrying to the phone in the dark, the bald spot, the call out of the “we.” All pieces of the puzzle to show us who Amy is in a short amount of time. Nice.
This is your first fiction? Really? Hard to believe my dear. Keep picking the fiction prompts please!!