On the Side of Him

There’s a phrase Brandon uses, “on the side of me” or “on the side of you”, which I never really heard until I started dating him. Many times he has said to me, while talking on the phone, “I wish I was on the side of you right now.” Of course I knew what he meant, but I wasn’t used to saying it that way. I was more accustomed to saying, “I wish I was next to you” or “with you’’.

However, as the months have passed, I have taken quite a liking to this phrase, because it feels more endearing than “next to” or “with”. To me, it is as if he is also saying, “I love you” while telling me he wants to be with me. It conveys how he wants to be by my side no matter what, both literally and figuratively.

 

There have been many times that Brandon has said something I was not familiar with. He was raised with different phrases than myself and vice versa. I think I have introduced him to a few things too, but really, he has come up with more things I have never heard before.

Not only has Brandon taught me more unique phrases, he has also helped me see many things in my life in a different way. He has given me new perspective time and time again, in our two plus years of knowing each other. From our first meetings, in the divorce workshop he facilitated (yes that is how we met…), when a couple of times he had me (politely) check myself, to the myriad of times he has supported me as I navigate this thing called “divorce”. He has also helped me discover a few key things about myself and my previous relationship(s), so that I can move forward with steadfastness, confidence and understanding. It only benefits us as a couple for him to do so.

Brandon is very direct. He will tell you as much when he first meets you. He is direct about his directness. He is not someone to “sugar coat” things. He is real and honest and open. This did take some getting used to (and still catches me off guard at times), but…

This man has been a breath of fresh air for me. I never have to worry about him judging me (even though I still do sometimes, which is my own issue…) or thinking less of me. He looks at mistakes as learning opportunities and doesn’t persecute me for them. He openly takes my suggestions for ways he can also improve, and we have adopted the phrase “we will figure it out” for many situations within our relationship.

It’s the “we” that I am so very grateful for, because I have never felt that type of true connection with anyone else before. “We” is not just a pronoun in our case, it is the true joining of two people who want to do the real work to be together (and it IS going to be a lot of work in our situation).

When I got married the first time, I did so for many of the wrong reasons and I know that now. In part because of my own willingness to look within myself, but also because of how I have been enlightened by Brandon and our relationship, which is honest, healthy and supportive.

 

I know our past experiences help shape us and better prepare us for new ones. Despite the previous heartbreak, I would not change my past, instead I choose to learn from it and move on in a healthy way. We know the road ahead will not always be smooth. Brandon and I are combining families and have much to navigate while doing so, including kids with different personalities and histories, and exes that are sometimes a challenge.  However, because I believe we have laid a very strong foundation for us and for our kids, I am truly grateful and so damn excited he has chosen me to be on the side of him!

All the past is worth it to be here now, with him next to me. For always. 

Now it is time to look to all the wonderful that lies ahead…