The Miss Elaine-ous Life

random acts of life, family and photos

No Difference

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This is one of my oldest son’s best friends.

photo (63)edit

 

Sorry for the quality of the photo but they were forced by their mother’s (one of them being me) to get out of the pool and take a picture together since this was J’s going away party.   And it was almost dark.

That’s right,  J moved several states away at the end of July and my son misses him so.

He and J met in 2nd grade and have been friends ever since.  They share an interest in the same games (Minecraft anyone?) and love to talk on the phone.  J is Ben’s only friend so far that has officially had a sleepover here, at our house.  J is one of THE most polite and eloquent children I have ever met.

 

J’s mother and I sat next to each other on the bus to one of their really cool field trips that year and we had THE best conversation.  We talked about our boys and how alike they are and what we wanted for their education and exchanged numbers so we could get them together outside of school.  We became friends too, because our boys were friends and because we had things in common, each even having younger boys, about the same age difference between them.

 

This sounds like a story that could happen any day and every day of the week in our country, in our world.  And it does.  But the difference is that  some people might not see it as okay, even now in 2014.

I know.  It completely blows my mind too.

 

There is NOTHING different between my son Ben and J, except their skin color.  And thankfully that has never made a difference to them. EVER.  They became friends because they like each other and because they bonded over similar interests.

They ARE friends because it DOES NOT MATTER that they appear different on the outside.  What matters is that they are the same on the inside, full of heart and kid-ness and a fondness for each other.

 

What really matters now is that my son’s friend doesn’t live here anymore and even though they can talk on the phone (and they have, trust me!), it’s just not the same.

He misses his friend so much and I even miss chatting with his mother, as well.   But they moved because it was the best thing for their family right now and I for one, can understand that.

I just wish that my son still had his friend here and I wish that everyone could understand how truly okay it is for J to be my son’s best friend.

 

I also REALLY wish that J’s mother and father never had to worry about him in ways that I do not have to worry about my white son.

That part I wish for really hard in my heart because that part is not fair and it is ridiculous and UNreal to me.

Sometimes I wish we could not even see color.  That we could be blind to it.  But people choose to be blind to other things, unfortunately, even today.

 

Thankfully, I believe there is HOPE for things to change.  I look at my children and know that I have taught them that they can be friends with whoever they want, where race is concerned.

Now if we could only make everyone see that love and friendship can and DO cross racial lines every single day.

Tolerance and acceptance.  Love over hate.  Trying to understand each other instead of trying to shut others down.

Now, if only everyone was just willing to start there…

 

 

Comments

  1. So well put Elaine, the news makes me so sad these days, I just can’t believe that this is happening in 2014. My hope is that there are more people who see the world the way you do and raise there kids the way you do.
    Julia recently posted…Days of Summer Week 8My Profile

  3. I hope there comes a day where it does not matter to anyone what our differences are. I hope that parents do not have to worry about their children because of their skin color. I will cling to that hope always.
    Robbie recently posted…She Should Be HereMy Profile

    • It shouldn’t matter. There are so many differences in humans anyway, outside and inside. 🙂

      I will cling to it as well…

  4. Yes!! So very well said and very similar to what was on my mind today. My daughter made a new friend this year whom she has been talking nonstop about. Her friend called today and I had a great conversation with her mom, her friend is black. My son’s best friend is Hispanic. After I got off the phone and Alex finally ended the conversation with her friend I was thinking how grateful I was that we live in a place where there is so much diversity and it is what my kids have always known so they don’t think anything of it. They are essentially color blind and it is a wonderful thing and wonderful example they set for me.
    Emmy recently posted…One Dirty Bowl: Lemon Bread With Blueberry StreuselMy Profile

    • I loved reading your post too! Thank you for sharing your experience. We HAVE to keep talking about it.

    • Thanks, Greta. Thankfully kids are pretty resilient and do make new friends and there are ways to keep in touch, but yes, it’s definitely hard when they first leave!

    • Yes, it is tough. Of course I only see one side but I’m sure my son’s buddy misses him too. ;-/

  9. Amen, amen, AMEN!!!!
    I was in an interracial relationship for over 3 years and it certainly opened my eyes (and my family’s eyes). I truly do not understand the depth of people’s ignorance and intolerance and downright hatefulness. There are times I just feel so bleak living in this world. But we have to believe that most people are inherently good and kind. Otherwise… I just don’t know.

    But, like you, I do have hope.

    Beautiful post, Elaine.
    Kat recently posted…While Daddy Is AwayMy Profile

    • Yes, I have to try to believe that too Kat, but sometimes, like now, it’s hard.

      Thank you, my friend. 🙂

  12. I have to tell you a little story: My ex-husband (my daughter’s father) is white, just like me. He remarried after our divorce and his new wife is Filipino and the kids she brought into the marriage with her have a black father.
    So – my blond, white daughter accepted her black-filipino sister and brother from day 1 as exactly that: her siblings. When my ex-husband, myself and all the kids were out together one day and people asked my daughter who the other kids were, she naturally said: “those are my brother and sister” – and yes, there were “looks” – which she could not understand, because we are all people, right?
    Anyway, the point is that I also wish that people could just “start there”, like you said! xoxox
    Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted…Coming OutMy Profile

    • Acceptance is the key. I’m so glad your daughter(and you and the whole family!) already knows that. It’s a start.

      xo

  13. I wish everyone retained their child’s perspective of people. When color, gender, religion, differences – none of that matter. They see what’s real, what’s inside. I hope that your kids remain the same, wonderful people that they are.
    Alison recently posted…Exactly Where I Need To BeMy Profile

    • I hope so too. I’m trying to teach them… I hope outside stuff doesn’t corrupt them at all.