These last few days have been full of ups and downs. Little ones, not big ones. But no matter the scope, my emotions have run high and my heart hurts a little from someone else’s actions. Oddly enough, not someone that I am even that close to.
It is truly amazing to me what one human can do to another, not really even knowing they’ve done it. I am certain that is the case here. But it was still done and I still feel it. I feel it a lot.
I am a feeling person, always have been. I try not to wear my heart out in the open but I know I do it anyway. It is a big part of who I am so I cannot deny it, even if I try…
This weekend at B’s soccer tournament they won only 1 out of 4 games and even though they still got a lovely token for their efforts, he and his teammates felt pretty defeated. Last year they won, so that made it extra hard.
I felt the same way this weekend… like last year I won but this year, not so much. Somehow I did not play well enough and ended up losing. And I hate that feeling.
Lately K has been showing her emotions with a lot of crying, especially if she does not get her way. The other day I felt like crying with her. See, I didn’t get my way with something either. Someone else was in control and I had to succumb to these emotions, so raw and real.
I want to put it behind me now, but it’s hard.
I want to be the same fun-loving, happy person I know myself to be.
And I will, it just may take a little time.
I wish there was a switch I could flip or that I had one of those magic memory erasing things like they have in some Sci-Fi movies. Just to take this one little thing out of my brain -to clear it and free myself from this.
Forever.
A couple of photos that do make me smile…
Yes, this. I know this. And I know it well.
So much love to you, friend.
(And it’s okay to give yourself a little bit of time to hurt and wear your heart on your sleeve and even cry. Really, it is.)
xo
I’ve sat down and cried with Astrid many times over the past few months.
I know this all too well!!! It sucks being on the hurting end when the other person is pretty oblivious! Just know that it’s ok to hurt and pout for a bit before letting it go!
I’m sorry you’re hurting. Those gorgeous photos would brighten any day though! Hope you feel better soon.
Elaine, I’m feeling very much like you lately. It isn’t easy, is it, mama? Motherhood, and everything that comes with it, as amazing as it is, is always challenging. And? Life in general canbe hard. And painful. Hugs to you, always. xoxo
Oh I just want to give you a huge hug! I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
As someone who has been on the other end- I once said something in a group that I never thought anything of- only to have that person come two months later and tell me that what I said totally hurt them. I truly had no idea and was heart broken that I had hurt them like that.
So obviously I don’t know the particulars of your incident but just felt like I should share.
I’m a feeler too. Sometimes it’s okay to wear our hearts in the open. It’s okay to hurt and let that show. It makes us human.
I know how you feel and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. xo
Oh dear friend, I know those times you speak of when you just want to have a big, ugly cry. And you should, it’d make you feel better. It’s perfectly okay to be a feeler type person. It makes you, you. Hang on in there.
It will get better. Sometimes it takes awhile but the feelings will pass and will move on to happiness. I’m sorry that your heart hurts.
Hugs to you, Friend. <3
Aww, I’m sorry, Elaine! That’s an awful feeling. I hope things turn around for you very soon.
I know the feeling all too well – I am a feeler too. Hugs Elaine.
{{{{big squishy hugs}}}} i wish i could make it better for you friend.
Oh my goodness, Elaine. I am so sorry you were hurt and I hope you’re feeling better. We must be on the same page these days. SO strange. As time passes I hope the hurt will fade. I’ve found that a couple things that really hurt me recently aren’t even a speck on my heart now and I’m so thankful for that.
Love,
Steph
PS have to say that I don’t even watch sci-fi movies so the fact that I even wrote about that and you did, too is REALLY interesting to me. Doo-dee-doo-doo… (that’s my version of Twilight Zone music)
Steph
beautiful photos.
I too am a heart-wearer and sometimes I really wish I wasn’t. (esp right now . It would make life so much easier for my kids if they couldn’t read my heart the second they see my face.)
I think sometimes, in some ways, it’s harder when the hurt is unintentional because you can’t get REALLY angry about it. Just hurt.
I’m so sorry. Hope you’re feeling better soon.
I, too, was recently hurt by someone that I love. Hoping your heart heals soon!
I totally understand. Hugs.
I’m having my fair share of ups and downs right now as well. Some big, some small. No matter, my stomach and my heart are getting a little tired of the ride.
Hugs to you, Elaine. You’re an amazing person, and I will be glad to bust some knees for you. 🙂
xoxoxo
Keep your head up, things will get better!
I’m so glad I stumbled here today, because I SO get this. I’ve had a similar experience this year that broke my heart and really sent me over the edge with some serious anxiety. In my counseling, I’ve had to learn to admit my emotions out loud, instead of burying them and to acknowledge that I am a person who feels everything very deeply – and even if something wasn’t intended to hurt, it hurt me and it hurt deep. As I’ve examined the hurt for what it is and worked through the emotions, I’ve learned to appreciate who I am and come to a place of forgiveness that I thought would not be possible. I still struggle (especially since I have yet to speak to this person who hurt me…and it’s an inevitable thing), but I know that the hurt doesn’t need to define me, that I can finally move on and look forward instead of constantly looking back and reliving the hurt and pain that was caused. I’m praying right now for your sweet heart – for healing, forgiveness, and rest for you. I know how it feels when you say that this year you feel like you’ve been losing – that was the last two years for me and I am finally finding victory. But it’s been a LOOOOOONG road there.