I am gettin’ down right honest here people and asking… Can anyone tell me why my 4-year-old is completely “off the hook” these days? I mean I love him to bits but he is a challenge right now, to say the least.
He’s been SO bad the last few days that I even considered nixing the whole birthday party thing. I mean BAD, and I don’t mean in the mid 80’s Michael Jackson kind of way, I mean BAAAAAD, as in NOT. GOOD. AT. ALL.
He fights me on everything these days and his only retorts are “NO!” or “I don’t want to.” I think I even heard “Nada” out of his mouth the other day. Great. Now he’s learning the word in other languages. That’s just Wonderul!
If I tell him we aren’t doing something that he wants to do or that he can’t have something that he wants, it’s practically World War Three. I mean really people, is this what I have to live with? He’s like a little monster. And he is SO strong-willed. Where did he get this from??
The part that kills me is that he can be such a sweet little boy and once the fit and fighting are over he wants to love on me and sings out choruses of “I love you,” over and over. I guess that’s just the way they get you. They suck you in with their sweetness and then bam! “here I go again when I don’t get my way!” I just feel like I can’t win or do much right with him these days. Please someone out there tell me you have days like this too!?
I love him but I don’t much like him right now, you know? And I SO want to go back to loving AND liking him.
I found something on the internet about using a ticket system to reinforce his good behavior where he would get a ticket everytime he does what he is supposed to and acts as he should. At the end of the day or week, however many tickets he has, he gets a prize or a treat of some sort. Has anyone else tried this? I am just at witt’s end, so to speak and would like more peace in our home. If you have any tips or have used a system like this please let me know. I am willing to try anything… well almost! ; )
Oh and prayer is always good too!
A couple of pictures of us that seem to embody the two “faces” of our relationship right now… ; ) Like I said, the cuteness always gets ya!
Claudia told me that she talked to you about Ben’s behavior. Trust me, you are not the only one. Ethan has been the same way since about the time he turned four as well. Everything is either massive tantrum or lovy-dovy. We thought it might be about the new baby but I think it is the age.
Hang in there!
Since Harrison can be like that now some days (& he just turned 3), you are not encouraging me for the future! LOL!
I’ve seen the behavior charts utilizing stickers – much like the potty chair charts. It’s probably not that much different but I don’t think it would work for Harrison, right now he will say “no, I don’t want to potty, I don’t want a sticker…” even though he know what the reward is. (A light saber that he really wants.) Apparently, vacuum hoses get the light saber job done just fine.
I have got nothing. I am dreading those days and we seem to have a few here and there already with our rugrats.
You two sure are cute though…I love the last shot!
I have got nothing. I am dreading those days and we seem to have a few here and there already with our rugrats.
You two sure are cute though…I love the last shot!
I’m so sorry! I keep wondering what it’s going to be like in 10 years from now…ugh. Scary.
You are definitely not the only one going through this. It can be so draining. We use tokens as positive reinforcement, and they work like a CHARM. I bought the pirates gold from Party City and they love it. I use 1-2-3 Magic for discipline along with tokens for reward. If you want more details, e-mail me and I’ll give you my secrets! 😉
I have no great words of wisdom except if this hasn’t been a normal thing for him though out the years, then it is more then likely a phase of him just testing his limits and showing his independents and THIS TOO SHALL PASS.. Don’t give in to him by any means.. but it’s not anything to worry to greatly about unless in a year he is still at it..
NOW my Little Man has been throwing the biggest fits in the world this last year and I’m ready to pull my hair out and at a lost as to what to do with him.. punishments, talking too, time outs and spankings don’t seem to phase the boy one tiny bit.. I’m just praying that he will out grow this.. not just saying that.. I’ve been really praying that. 🙂
I totally love that second photo!! 🙂 You’re both so cute!
Welcome to the world of 4-year olds!!! Brennan is a pain in the patootie most of the time too. And watch out, the more mobile little Gavin gets – the worse the older one gets. As soon as Evan was 1 and Brennan realized this kid was going to be sharing his stuff – yikes! We work daily on it – but I have no answer. Boys.
I have tried the ticket thing… but with six kids it got way to confusing…I usually tomato stake my kids when they can’t get it together.
They stay by my side all day, everyday. They even have to sit up against the bathroom door (outside), when I am in there. It is a pain, but it usually yields results.
Whoops I forgot to sign my comment…
Toni
Yeah….ahem! My daughter has pushed my buttons from 3yrs old and up! There are days that I’m surprised we both survived. And now the little rugrat is 10yrs old and mouthy as heck. I threatened soap in the mouth (Lava soap too!) tonight and she put a shut to it quick because she knew I was down right mad. And she is smart enough to know when to give it a rest.
Don’t fret momma…..there are soooo many of us out there. But in the next moment they melt your heart and make you feel like a heel. I know the pain!
Monkey is 3 1/2 and it’s the same thing. He’s always been extraordinarily strong willed. Now in a disagreement I have a hard time coming out on top.
Time to get ready, I’ll tell him.
No, he’ll say.
And he means NO as in final, no negotiating, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
And then he’ll come up and give me a big hug and ask for a snuggle.
ARGH!
I love and adore him, but sometimes dealing with him is enough to make me want to rip my hair out. Frustrating!
My oldest is almost five. I now laugh at the terrible two myth. We have found four to be the most challenging – hands down. As kids begin to express their independence they test the waters – oh boy do they test.
At school my son’s class collectively was doing a behavior/classroom management program (I did similar when I was teaching as well). We adapted it to work at home with our own jar and pom poms. We have a jar that needs to be filled for him to get a reward (usually a book or dollar store toy/matchbox car will do). For positive behaviors we give him pom poms. Depending on the item we give more or less. Since he is older we also decided to change it up from school. Negative behaviors (like hitting his baby brother, screaming. . . ) require removal of pom poms. This has worked pretty nicely and he gets excited as the jar is close to being filled. He actually has tried to “kiss up” for pom poms since he has figured out the system and is striving to fill the jar faster.
Try to find something that will work for your family and try it. It may take more than one attempt, but do not give up. Good luck!
Hi, I found your blog through Natalie. I just wanted to say that my son was the exact same way, and then some, when he was that age. Now he is 6 and just as sweet as can be. I really think its a phase that most boys, and girls, got through and it will get better. Just hang in there.
My Liv is just like this! And having Daddy wrapped around her little finger is no help, either! Just yesteday we caught her under the dining room table with an entire roll of breath mints(most of which she was chewing on, she looked kinda rabid, lol) First she threw a raging fit over having the rest taken away, and then she wrapped her arms around her father’s neck and told him she was “sooo sowwy Daddy for make a mess” in the sweetest, most sincere way. He, of course, melted. sigh.
A friend of mine created a rewards system called The ChoreMinder that’s pretty cool. Here’s the link: http://www.thechoreminder.com/index2.html
In the meantime, though, you just gotta hang in there (at least, that’s what I tell myself) it will get easier eventually. Though it may not happen until he’s grown with children of his own. (That’s according to my own mom, so there you go.)
PS – thanks for the comment!
As you know I’m going through the same thing with my 2-year-old…it’s tough…there’s a reason God made ’em so cute…
Cute photos. My four year old has always been fiesty but has actually gotten better with age…I hear that boys start later with this phase
I was just reading a post on Using My Words the other day and she was talking about the “transition” phases. I thought it was a perfect way to word it. It seems that every once in a while kids just hit a transition phase where they freak out. An emotional growth spurt, of sorts, that causes them to act out. I guess you just have to hang tight and wait it out.
Good luck! 🙂
Elaine, he is being a typical 4 year old…and 5 year old, and 6 year old and though I haven’t personally experienced yet I would guess 7 year old and 8 year old… and on and on.
That’s the part of motherhood that the “brochures” gloss over! It’s tough and we have all been there.
I have recently instituted something similiar to the ticket thing with Jack (6 years old). He was balking at doing his reading homework and practicing his kindermusik. So I told him if he gets three checkmarks (one for each of his 3 responsibilities) a day for 10 days straight, he gets a family outing… swimming, a movie etc.
It’s worked like a charm and his reward isn’t more junk that he won’t play with but more time as a family.
🙂
I can’t give you any advice on how to help you with Ben as my parenting experience is canine-related and putting a child in a crate is kind of frowned upon. 🙂
But I have always heard of the terrible 2s; is it possible that Ben let his “age” a bit and that part of him is now showing?
Even mad Ben is a cute Ben.
Cheers!
Heather
Oh good Lord, when you figure that out, let me know and we’ll patent the remedy! I share your pain! Lately it’s been a ‘challenge’ here too!
*le sigh*
I have parented 3 – 4 year olds so far and every one of them goes through this. It is a separation thing they have to go through. Developmentally they are separating from you to become more their own person, therefore they are testing limits and boundaries.
It is totally in preparation for the physical separations that start to occur, like going to kindergarten.
He will probably go through similar times during puberty and again at 17 or so. My mom and I talked about this recently and she said all four of us went through very difficult periods at those intervals. Yikes! I get to look forward to all that times 5!
Good luck!