Before the day I found out I was pregnant with K I thought a lot about having another baby. And I mean A LOT. I’ve always pictured myself as a mother of three. I’m not sure why, I just have.
But truthfully, about the time that she came to be, I was resigned to being a mother of two. I was good with it – or was at least getting there. But apparently He had other plans. And I’m so, SO good with that.
These days I do not think about having any more children. We are finished building our family and I’m great with that. I do not have that same longing that I had before K was born. For whatever reason(s) those feelings just don’t exist anymore.
The other night I was with several of my ‘mom’ friends and we went around the table talking about who still wanted more children and I was moved to tears by one of my friends’ response. She said that when she gets the kids ready to go somewhere she feels like someone is still missing. And she takes that as a sign to have another.
We teased her and said maybe she’s just needs a dog. But I personally think there is (obviously!) much more to it than that, not just for my friend but for many mothers out there.
All this to say, that as I click around the internet and see many pregnant blog friends, and even see my friends IRL that are “with child”, I do have “pangs”. They tell me that being pregnant and growing a human is such an amazing, wonderful thing and the fact that I’ll never do that amazing, wonderful thing again kinda hurts my heart. That the feeling of a little one moving inside of me is a thing of the past.
They also remind me that I’ll never again have that moment where I first meet the tiny, soft human being that I harbored in my belly for nine months. That I will not have the chance to take in that sweet newborn smell as I snuggle them close to my chest.
But when I get these feelings I also remember how truly blessed I am to have my three healthy, happy children and I have the memories of all of those things with them. And those will forever be mine to hold dear and tight in my heart.
And I’m sure as time passes those “pangs” will become fewer and fewer and when I see a pregnant friend I’ll just be so happy that she is experiencing all those amazing, wonderful things herself.
Although I may want to touch her baby belly. But I promise to ask first.
I could have a dozen kids and I’d still have those baby longings, because babies are just so amazing and miraculous. So I can’t just keep having babies until those pangs go away! lol
I just try to borrow other babies when the feeling comes over me.
You can rub my baby belly anytime….if you lived closer that is. LOL. I am so thankful to be experiencing this pregnancy and try to soak up every minute. I know that you cherished every minute just like you are treasuring every minute with your three lovelies as they grow up.
Sweet picture, hello baby K!
I can totally relate to this post. We are done, so done, having kids but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t long to be pregnant. I would love to have and hold a new baby. There is just something so special about being pregnant and bring life into the world. I don’t know if I will ever be over the fact that I can’t anymore.
This post makes me bawl.
I finally feel my family is complete, but I still always want more babies. Being pregnant and having children is just the most amazing thing EVER. I just can’t get over the fact that I will never get to experience that again. It makes me bawl. But eventually, I will have to have a LAST baby, no matter how many babies I have. So, four (the hubby decided) it is. And I am so lucky.
Still, there is always that longing.
I will be saying much the same when I get around to writing my post. I think going on retreat and being away from my kids for a few days triggered a lot of the feelings for me (also spent the entire time with two pregnant ladies).
I never, ever, never want to be pregnant again. Never. But another child to love and take care of and nurture? I can see myself doing that. I’m not sure what that means exactly.
I think my favorite part of this post was how you said you were “finished building your family.”
I really can’t put it into words, but I have always disliked when women say they are “done.” The way you put it sounds so much better and nicer and – I don’t know – it’s just very well-put. 🙂
I feel the same way as your friend…that someone is still “missing” from our family. Both my husband and I have that same inclination/nudge/longing/ache/pang…I don’t even know what to call it.
We just know we’re not “done” yet.
stephanie@metropolitanmama.net
I am not done. I feel like I’m just getting started. That’s probably not true. I think we’ll probably be done after one more. But I don’t feel done at all. I’m swimming in “pangs.”
Great post.
Beautiful shot! I totally know what your friend is talking about. I completely feel that way. I have been wanting a 4th since my 3rd was born- 7 years ago. But now with our current situation, so many things would have to change to make it happen- that I just don’t see it happening. Its a shame that things like the economy will keep us from completing our family & I fear I will never get over the feeling that we are missing one. I heard a woman say once- you never regret the children you have, but you can regret the ones you don’t have. That feeling of regret is something that pains me daily.
Oh this is painful. Truthfully, I never wanted kids. Never wanted to get married. Just wanted to be that rich, single aunt living in that glass and very fancy house with good wine and a big bank account to spoil my nephews with and travel the world. How horrible, yes? When I became pregnant(and not married..shock) at 34 I was so confused yet excited. When I met that sweet babe, my world changed. I had my 2nd soon after, and fought so hard for the 3rd 5 years later. While I feel our family is complete with 3 – if I knew then what I knew now – I would’ve started at 22 and had 12 children. Seriously.
I love you bunches.
Awe, I love this post! So sweet! After I had my baby girl (it was very rough after I gave birth), I didn’t want anymore. But now that I forget what the pain and suffering was like (sometimes I have flashbacks), I know I want to add to our family.
I feel more and more like someone is missing. Just waiting on it to be time to meet them.
I have said….and feel the exact same thing as your friend. I KNOW that there is someone missing from our family. I had my husband convinced to have another child. We even bought a bigger vehicle and then…his family talked him out of it.
I’ll never forgive them for that.
I felt the same way as your friend when I only had my two – someone was missing. Now that I have my third and last I don’t feel that anxiety and pang to have another. Oh I still get all goopy when I think about never having another baby or never being pregnant, but I think that is okay, like you I am sure it will pass. My family feels complete now.
Stopping by from Momma Made It Look Easy.
I hear you on this! We are done but you do miss the fact that you wont’ be pregnant again or meet your baby for the first time again.
I don’t think I will ever be done wanting the babies. If it wasn’t for the first six months, I would have 13. 🙂
I stopped by from Jennifer’s after having seen your comments all this time. I love this post and I have heard a lot of people say that they felt like someone was missing until they had their last and they knew they were done.
I fought God about it for a long time…you just gave me a great idea.
Wonderful, touching post! I’m visiting via Tracy’s blog. I can very much relate to your post & I like your perspective. I have a 5 week old right now, our 5th, and I am trying to soak up every minute of her deliciousness! I just LOVE babies! I am so thankful for each of my kids & consider #5 a bonus b/c dh felt we should stop after 4, but I have not felt we were finished…he says I never will! So I am praying & seeking God’s wisdom & discernment…are we indeed missing someone or is it just the emotions/memories associated with being pregnant & having a newborn that I crave…really good food for thought, thank you for sharing!