This week I am participating in Jay & Deb’s Tuesday’s Tribute. And although I am usually a pretty positive person, today is not so positive. Just warning you.
Once upon a time I was in a hurry (which happens a lot by the way) and had just 30 minutes before I needed to pick up the kiddos from school. This was actually on The B Man’s birthday and I decided to stop at the Big Lots near our house (and school) to grab some wrapping paper. After also finding a cute $1.00 scrapbooking item and yet another bag of plastic eggs, I was good to go.
Until……..
I got to the check-out.
There were two lanes open. And let me just tell you right now, I picked the WRONG one.
As I began to realize what was going on in front of me I started to see my life flash before my eyes. And curse my name for getting behind these two. These ladies, mother and daughter, that managed (truly GOD himself only knows how) to spend just shy of $350.00 at Big Lots. That is NOT a typo.
They pulled everything from 100 thread count sheets to ketchup out of that cart. And as I began to feel week and dehydrated, the daughter (who was probably in her 50’s) continued shopping in the front of the store, adding things to their enormous purchase.
She piled on 4 plastic lawn chairs, a bag of charcoal, an Easter bunny, some candles and a couple of bags of chips.
I glanced at the man standing behind me and mouthed the word “WOW!” and for a moment we had a good little chuckle together. They were COMPLETELY clueless. But then reality set in again as I turned back around and realized they were STILL there and the checker was STILL scanning items.
And, just as I was about to cry and play the “I’m-pregnant-but-not-really-showing-yet-so-please-let-me-out-of-here-with-my-$4-worth-of-crap” card, they were finally finished. As my heart started to beat again, Momma pulled out her check book. I haven’t seen anyone write a check at a store since like 1999. I really thought I might go into cardiac arrest.
Once I eventually saddled up to the counter with my few items and my $5.00 in cash I looked at the checker and said “My transaction is going to be quite a bit easier.” For some reason, she was not amused.
As I passed Mama Cass and her daughter packing their car, I hopped in mine and realized it had been a 5 minute shopping trip, with a 15 minute plus wait to check out. And while picking up the kids and taking them home I figured they were probably still there loading their canned chili and colanders into the back of their Toyota Tercel.
So to the two ladies from Big Lots, I honor you for spending more money in that store than I EVER thought was possible. And while I’m at it, good job at robbing me of my time and patience. If I see your clown car in the parking lot next time, I’ll be sure to take a detour over to my dentist and get a root canal instead.
A Jay and Deb Production.
P.S. Today’s the last day to enter the giveaway for The Noonie!
I am laughing so hard my wife thinks I’m a moron…I mean, still thinks I’m a moron.
That is AWESOME. Aint no party like a Big Lots Party.
By the way, the Mama Cass reference was pure genius.
(golf clap turns to rowdy football roar)
Big Lots and a root canal in one post! Awesome.
I just laughed so hard I almost wet my pants! LOL
You tell a great story Elaine!
Oh my! That’s a ton of money for that store. I’ve only been in there a few times though but things seem fairly inexensive.
Sometimes I really have to pray for patience when I wait in line for people. Especially if they aren’t ready to pay.
I just assume they figure they’re going to have to pay to get thru the line so why aren’t they getting their money out ahead of time, lol!
Unfortunately I’ve made some errors and made people wait for me….sigh….
So, there was nothing left on the shelves, right? How the hell do you spend that much in Big Lots?
And why would you want to?
As I read this story, I had a deja vu. I’m certain I’ve experienced almost this same thing.
And don’t you hate when they pull the checkbook out at the last minute (and that check will probably bounce more than Tigger)? As if the cashier was going to say, “Oh, your order. Free.”
I’ll join you for that root canal. I have no patience standing in line. Thanks for the good laugh this morning!
Mama Cass, clown car, Big Lots, root canal~ funny stuff! Speaking as someone who has ZERO patience, I really feel your pain.
Elaine, you are hilarious! That was a great post- those women made me slightly grumpy, too!
Wow. Why does that always happen when you are in a hurry? I swear it happens every time I have to pick the boys up from school. I always get stuck in the slow lane.
That’s great! Really!
Don’t you hate it when you realize you are in THAT line up!
Oh my goodness… hilarious… but so, so frustrating!
Wow. I didn’t think $350 was possible either…really. I give you tribute for surviving the wait. I may have bailed earlier and scribbled out a card when I got home! hahaha
Pregnant or not I would have screamed! I hate being late and stuff like that perturbs me. Good for you for keeping your cool
Is it bad that your ridiculous experience at Big Lots made me laugh? Oh my, I would have felt the same as you. Nothing like that to get your blood boiling!
I love these tributes… and it is fun to see a sarcastic one. Thanks for the smile!
I didn’t know it was possible to spend that much there, either. What a wonderful way to start my day…….here.
LOL! First off, just laughing that you called her Mama Cass! Second, boy do i feel your pain! I ALWAYS choose the wrong check-out lane. ALWAYS, esp. if I am in a hurry.
UGH!
Hope you have a Happy Tuesday!
What color Toyota Tercel? I’m going to start scanning the parking lots before I go in any stores around here…and if I see THEM I won’t even bother. Geez lousie, people! I ALWAYS seem to pick the wrong line.
Oh my gosh… TOO funny. So frustrating, I know!
Steph
LMAO! I have a knack for picking the wrong check out lane too!
Great Tuesday tribute
It’s like the hit the redneck lotto and wanted to cash in!
Too funny!
This made me laugh…even though I have NO IDEA What Big Lots is
I have no idea what Big Lots is but it was still a very good story!
That’s hilarious. I would hate to see what their house looks like if they can spend that much money at Big Lots.
OMG I am laughing so hard..you are one patient lady.
We all have crazy checkout stories…I don’t think I have EVER spent more than $20 at a store like big lots
Cheers! Thanks for the smiles!
Maybe it was their first time in a Big Lots and they were really excited?
This happened to me once at the Dollar Tree…two school teachers and about 200 packs of $1 plastic eggs…shoot me.
Funny stuff Elaine. I take Big Lots must be a dollar store? So they had 350 items? wow.
Hilarious.
i HATE it when that happens!!!
Can you say “Shopaholic”??? too funny!
Was the “$5 worth of crap” worth it?!!!!!!
Damn those pregnancy hormones : ).
I ALWAYS pick the wrong lane. Truly.
Too funny though. I was thinking as you were telling the story that maybe they had stolen an identity or credit card and were living it up…until you said she wrote a check…what??? Who writes a check?
Glad you managed to leave with a little bit of your sanity.
That is hysterical!! I still think you should have played the pregnancy card!
Hilarious!!!!! I’ll give them one thing though….. Way to stimulate the economy! $350!!!! WOW.
$350 at Big Lot?! Great post!
Oh my…I HATE when I get behind people like that – and what is with writing checks in a store? The few I’ve seen in recent memory have always been from people who take like 5 minutes to write them out!!!!
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