I occasionally get compliments on my writing. I am not saying that to brag. I’m saying that because it kind of shocks me every time it happens.
It literally feels like I just stuck my finger in a socket, not knowing what would happen.
I think (and hope) I always remember to thank the person who says it or types it. But sometimes I am so caught off guard, especially when in person.
I am talking about this because writing is something I do to get it all out, it’s not something I necessarily do for praise.
Yes, I do enjoy the reaction and interaction of others here, especially when I put words out there that are truly from my soul (which by the way, most are in some way. Some are just generally more soulful).
I also enjoy saying them out loud and on stage.
I clearly enjoy sharing them.
But if you write at all maybe you know this feeling of which I speak.
GETTING IT OUT.
All these thoughts in my head. My day to day life making stories. People I randomly notice, producing little characters.
Bigger, more thought-out characters, swimming around up there… but will I ever write about them?
I don’t know.
I’ve started writing a book.
What’s that you say, “A BOOK?”
Yes, a book.
For me only, so far. Who knows if anything will ever come of it but I have to get it out now, before it’s lost.
Recently I read the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.
She had a lot of wisdom for someone like me who may think they can do this book thing. Some of the things she said where sort of hard to read.
Some of them made me feel like I could never do it. Ever.
That doesn’t sound very encouraging does it?
It’s okay. Some of the things she wrote made me feel like there was no way I could NOT do it.
But there’s this nagging feeling in the back of my head. A voice really.
“you’re not good enough.”
“Even if you write it, no one will read it. Except like, your family.”
“The story won’t be good enough and better than what you’ve got.”
“No one will care.”
I hate negative talk. But in this case, it’s a reality, even in my mind that circles with fiction and truth.
When I write here it’s about my life and it’s all true and part of my ACTUAL story (promise).
But writing about fake people is something entirely different.
They have to come to me and I have to receive them.
It’s all very complicated.
But some seem to make it look so easy. The writers. Not the characters.
Okay, those too.
I’ve been mediocre at several things in my life. Piano playing. Soccer. Running.
But I’ve been pretty good at some things too. Photography. Bang curling. 😉 Home decorating.
And yes, writing.
I have to tell myself every day that I can do it.
And the words, they do have to get out.
But now they have to find the right order. Or rather, I have to find the right order for them.
They have to be typed to make someone feel. To make someone WANT to read them. Maybe even more than once.
To me, that is THE biggest challenge of all.
Find me on TODAY Parents talking about my experience as a room mom. It sure was enlightening… 🙂
This post linked up at Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop… (sharing a favorite quote)