When a baby is born out of our womb and comes into our lives there’s nothing else like it in the world.
We’ve waited with so much anticipation for so many months to see their face and marvel at the miracle that is their tiny body.
But even as we do, we don’t quite “know” them yet. It is sort of like meeting a stranger, albeit, our own little stranger.
We have to get to know them and them us.
That’s not to say that some bonding doesn’t happen right away but still, we’ve just “met”this little person and it takes time for us to learn about them. And of course they don’t know us either, despite bouncing around in our bellies for many, many weeks. (Although I always say that Little G should know that I LOVE the soundtrack to “Wicked” because I played it non-stop on the way to and from work during his last few weeks in my womb. He should also know all the words to the song “Popular” for sure. But alas, he does not.)
When The B Man was born I was not in the best place. I was hurting both physically and emotionally. And breastfeeding was NOT working. AT. ALL. On top of everything else, I felt like a failure. To this day I feel like that hindered our opportunity to truly bond and make that mom/baby connection that all mothers long for. I’m not saying we don’t have a good relationship now, I’m just saying that it was very hard for me at first. And since he WAS my first, it was even harder to understand why things weren’t as they “should be” (at least in my my mind, as I was romanticizing it all…)
Things were different when Little G was born. I had a much better birth experience with him and he latched on before we even left the hospital and didn’t let go until few months after his first birthday. I started on the medicine I needed for my emotional issues before I even had him and had no problems with PPD (as I did the first time). Also, I didn’t go back to work after G was born, like I did with The B Man and spent much more time with him. (I’m not saying this is ‘better’, I’m just saying it was different than my first experience as a mother.)
And then came Baby K and although we never did get the nursing down, again my birth experience was better and I felt like the experience I had with my two other babies has helped me be a better mother this third time around. In many ways.
She is now 5 months old (CAN YOU BELIVE???) and I feel like we know each other pretty well these days. She smiles when I walk into a room and I know her nuances and quirks. She is my third baby and only girl. She is my forever “baby.”
I told Tim yesterday that once she can sit up I want to freeze her forever, right then. Of course my mind knows this is impossible even though part of my heart wants it to be so. Although if she stayed her baby self then I would miss out on her telling me, “I love you Mommy” and that’s certainly something I want to hear her say some day.
And now, I can’t wait…
Love to all my babies, no matter when or how they came into the world. MWAH!
I’d love to hear how any of you felt after having your first or even sixth baby. You are welcome to share here. (and if you don’t have any babies yet, read the comments!) 🙂