So I guess I can extend our zoo membership…

We are staying.

It is a really good thing for my husband and for our family.

But part of me wants to go.  So badly.

It is not that I do not like it here.  But I like it at HOME better.

Parts of my mind try to tell me to believe this can be home.  But it is not where my heart is, or the rest of our family so that seems impossible at times.

I know the roads and the places and the people and the food and the “other side of town” (that is 7 minutes away) and I have the Target memorized (although they are changing it now…).

I’ve even found some Mexican food that passes and we have a Thai restaurant we love.

Our children have friends and are blossoming here and I’m used to people saying “Sha baby” when my kids do something cute.

We’ve made this house as much ours as possible and I know exactly how to turn the wheel on my van to back out of the driveway.

One of my best friends lives on the next block.

But still.

Thankfully my Texas family and friends are not that far but at times it feels like they are.

SO far.

I now know how my mother must have felt, living in California for several years, also away from her family, not even able to visit them as much as I can.

A heart in two places.  All at once.


  1. :(

  2. Aww Elaine… It really must be one of the most difficult things, being apart from extra family, and from “home”, and what you’re used to. You’re an amazing mama, just know that, and you guys will be okay, even though your heart is in two places. xo

  3. We used to live across the yard from my parents and now a little over an hour and there are times I miss my mom like crazy.

  4. I really can’t imagine being that far from family. When I first moved to the East side of Michigan, my parents were still on the West side. It was hard to be away from them, and all my friends. My parents have since moved and live only 15 minutes from us, but I still don’t have tons of friends. I have a hard time putting myself out there to make friends, so it’s mostly my fault.

    It sounds like your head knows it’s the right thing, but it’s your heart that’s holding out. Hopefully you will be able to move back “home” soon.

  5. That is hard. We are staying put an extra year in a town where I don’t want to be and it is VERY difficult to feel anything other than trapped.

  6. I know exactly how you feel…though I do feel like more of my heart is here as each year passes. Can’t say I’m sorry that you’re staying, though :)

  7. I resonate completely. And I’m going through it. And we’ll likely go through it to a certain extent when we move back to Canada. Sigh. What a number it does on your emotions and heart!

  8. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have a home in a place that is not home. I pray that it feels more and more like home each day.

  9. I know how this feels since my family all lives in Cali and we don’t.

  10. Oh, how I understand this.

    I fell torn between being here and being back home and then even being in another place that feels like home. But after yesterday, when we had a meeting with my middle’s teacher and we know he can have her again next year, all my grand plans of moving were put on hold. B/c it’s what’s best for him.

    So, I put off the idea of another place being home for a little longer.

  11. It’s so hard when your heart is torn and in two places at once. My whole family is out in California but I’m in NYC. It’s hard not to be surrounded by family and cousins all the time but I also know that this is the right place for my family now.

  12. My mother-in-law spent her kids’ entire growing up years in Connecticut after growing up and being a newlywed in SE Texas. She really, really missed Texas but she made good friends and her boys loved the big yards. She even grew to not hate the weather. :) Then they moved back to Texas after the boys were grown and she left all her friends behind. I think she still feels like “home” is in two places.

  13. I know how you feel, friend. I’m sorry and YAY all at the same time.

  14. I know this, girl. So very well.

    Our home is in MN for right now, and I love it, but my heart isn’t always here.

    (Also? You *must* blog “Sha Baby!”)