We are staying.
It is a really good thing for my husband and for our family.
But part of me wants to go. So badly.
It is not that I do not like it here. But I like it at HOME better.
Parts of my mind try to tell me to believe this can be home. But it is not where my heart is, or the rest of our family so that seems impossible at times.
I know the roads and the places and the people and the food and the “other side of town” (that is 7 minutes away) and I have the Target memorized (although they are changing it now…).
I’ve even found some Mexican food that passes and we have a Thai restaurant we love.
Our children have friends and are blossoming here and I’m used to people saying “Sha baby” when my kids do something cute.
We’ve made this house as much ours as possible and I know exactly how to turn the wheel on my van to back out of the driveway.
One of my best friends lives on the next block.
Thankfully my Texas family and friends are not that far but at times it feels like they are.
I now know how my mother must have felt, living in California for several years, also away from her family, not even able to visit them as much as I can.
A heart in two places. All at once.