My father used to travel from time to time for work when I was a little girl. I remember nights of being offered his empty space in my parents’ bed while he was gone and I gladly claimed it. I think both my Mom and I felt a bit more secure having each other to sleep with while he was gone.
I always looked forward to his return because he was my Daddy and I wanted him home but it was fun that sometimes he would bring me a souvenir of some kind. I explicitly remember a cheap vinyl wallet with the word “Atlanta” stamped into it with a cheesy graphic of a peach tree that he brought back for me. I was probably around 7 and I coveted that wallet like Carrie Bradshaw worshiped her Louboutins.
It had both a coin purse and a zipper and I was thrilled to have two places for my
But I was also just so happy that my Daddy thought of me while away on his trip and that he was sweet enough to bring me a gift. I imagine that was actually the main reason I adored it so much.
I kept that wallet for a long time and years later, while cleaning out the desk in my bedroom before I left for college, I found it in a drawer with the coin purse cracked and the zipper no longer zipping. I had used it well.
The other day while in the airport, on the way home from BlogHer, I searched for something for my children but everything was either something too adult or a thing they already had many of. And you know, my kids just don’t need any coffee mugs or shot glasses.
After we boarded the plane I thought of my children even more and how much I longed to be with them after several days of not seeing their beautiful, sweet faces. You know that feeling you get when you are about to cry, that little ache that sits in the back of your throat? I felt that so hard. I felt the tears welling up as I pictured each of their sweet little blonde selves.
Eventually we descended into my little section of the earth and it came closer into view below the clouds and I could feel them.
I saw the ground like this huge diorama, laid out in amazing greens of the farms and the birds flew below me instead of above, taking wing and it was amazing to me to see them from the top instead of the bottom. I imagined the clouds as heaven. I closed my eyes and pictured my babies faces in my mind again and I think I even caught a hint of their coconut scented hair. That was how badly I want to hug them again.
And when I was finally on the ground I watched while another mother’s children came to her and she bent down and hugged them so hard. My eyes welled up with tears because I longed for that to be me.
A few minutes later my family arrived and as I watched them maneuver the revolving door I smiled from ear to ear. And then suddenly they saw me and came running and I had my moment as six little arms engulfed me in “Oh Mommy, we missed you”s and all the love that I had been missing for those four days.
And then, right there by the baggage claim I was whole again.