The last couple of years have given me pause in many ways. I’ve taken time to self reflect and look inward. A LOT. While doing so I have also felt the need to lean hard on the God in which I believe. And when I say “lean hard” I mean pray harder than I ever have before and trust. Trust that He’s got this, no matter how much pain or how hard I fight, He will be there to lift and protect me.
Here’s the thing about believing in that God. You have to have faith. You have to feel, deep down that no matter how bad things get or what terrible things this life throws at us, it will be okay in the end. And you know what? Sometimes, it is really damn hard to do that. Faith is not tangible. It’s a concept floating in the air like clouds. It is contained within your own heart and soul. It is not given, it is earned, with the trust I mentioned above.
I know I would be nowhere without that faith. I would have given up a long time ago.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately, in the wake of Harvey and Irma. I have been thinking about it in my own life, which despite it’s hardships, is a truly blessed one. And even though my marriage dissolved (my biggest personal hardship yet), I believe His plan is for ME. I don’t know why so many tragic things are happening on the planet we inhabit right now. Is he asking us to come together and SEE that each of us is human and flawed? That we are ONE humanity and that all these little factions of people who want to fight that need, must turn their eyes a different direction? Can they eventually see?
I still and will always believe that God made us in his sight and each child comes out pure and full of love to give. Where that gets sent off track, I do not really know. I do know that fear is a driver for much of it. We as a people are fearful that someone will get more than us. That we will not be all which we or others think we should be. That we will not have enough money or time. That we will die and not be ready.
And that is where this FAITH thing really comes in.
I am nowhere near a perfect human. I am flawed in so many ways, however the fear continues to diminish the more my faith builds. Am I fearful of certain things? Of course. I am especially fearful of the unknown. The faith I have worked so hard for and continue to, is something I must practice daily. Sometimes I even scoff at it if I am feeling particularly down (which thankfully is not much lately). But I always go back, because for me it is a necessity to living a good life.
Unfortunately, this fear gets in the way of God creating us as the person that deep down inside, we all want to be. It binds us like a tight rope, which a captor has wrapped around us. And of course, those of us that are faithful know who that captor is.
So, I find in times like this, when the world is on fire and flooding, and when many of us have to look fear straight in the eye, the only way to be comforted and KNOW that it will be alright, is lean hard on God. He is our refuge, the rock on which we stand in the storm. I believe it in my heart of hearts. Especially since he carried me through my own personal storm and I am most certain He will again at some point in my life.
These times are scary and difficult. The only way I see to make it through the storms and fires is with His help and support. And so yes, I believe in this God that will carry us through the hard times and give us the strength we need to endure them. Because without Him I am lost. And I would much rather be found.