Let’s Get Real

My life as a mother is not perfect. Quite far from it actually.

As I type this my toddler is having a full on meltdown and at this point, is headed to bed over an hour early. Along with his older brother.

I don’t claim to be the perfect parent and I don’t ever think I have all the answers. Some days are better than others. Some days just plain suck.

Tim went out after we got home from our 7 hr. drive back from Austin to do the draft for his Fantasy Football. And I don’t begrudge him going (he ALWAYS acquiesces to me going out when I want/need to…) but it was just bad timing. The boys were just in a MOOD today and it was NOT a good one. Little G barely slept in the car and so therefore did not have a decent nap and The B Man… well, his attitude lately leaves A LOT to be desired, no matter what.

I bring all of this up because yes, I am happy and joyful and excited to be bringing another little person into this world, but sometimes my heart and my mind send each other mixed signals. And today?? I wonder if I can do it. I honestly wonder.

Each of my boys is going through something right now. The B Man’s I presume, has the most to do with starting school while living in still a fairly new town. And Little G’s, I’m guessing has mostly to do with being two. But put ‘em together in a room with my tired, overly pregnant self and things can get a little rough.

Of course we have our times where things go well and we talk and laugh and kiss and hug and pray and read together. But we also have moments days where I want to run away screaming and not stop until I get back to Texas. We had about a bazillion of those today.

I feel I can’t control The B Man very well these days and most of his retorts come in the form of sass and grunts. I feel like I’ve failed in the manners department, in the “respect your parents” department. He used to not be like this and now, it hurts me to even look in his beautiful blue eyes sometimes because I feel like he’s just angry – at me, at his lot in life (oh the woes of a 5 yr old!!) and even with his father and brother. If he’s not upset with me for not letting him have his way, he’s upset with his brother for playing with the trains when HE felt he shouldn’t be or even mad about what’s for dinner. I know it all comes with the territory but it just beats you down after a while, you know?

And Little G is trying so hard to be his own little man already and it’s just hard on all of us. Especially him. He talks pretty well now, so I can usually understand him, except when he’s gotten himself in such a tizzy over something I consider SO very trivial and he has tears and snot running down his face and I just cannot understand him at all. Yeah, that’s hard. There’s been some changes for him lately too and since he starts school this week, they just seem to keep coming…

And of course, the BIG ONE that will happen in about 3.5 weeks when little sister gets here. Maybe they are really cluing into the fact that her arrival is imminent and this is all part of it too. But tell me. How am I supposed to take care of her properly when I’m already seemingly overwhelmed with my two guys? I just can’t foresee my sanity staying in tact.

Or maybe, just maybe she’ll help to calm us all down a bit. Like a little angel. I think we are all a tad on edge, just waiting for this to happen. I pray that is the case.

My C-Section is scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 1. That’s the day we’ll meet her and bring her into this “real” and imperfect family. I hope she’s ready. I hope we all are.

elaine

Comments

  1. Hello?! Are you living my life or am I living yours? If it makes you feel any better, I have 3 children and I have lived to tell about it, albiet sometimes I would like to trade in my mommy hat for a few hours/days for something else. As always, I have to fall back on the tried but true phase- this too shall pass. Thank goodness.

    Oh yeah, long car rides for kids can be really hard on them (maybe that explains today!).

  2. Elaine, bless you, sweetie! Get some rest for yourself, and things will look brighter in the morning. I’m praying for your beautiful family, and I know that things will be alright! Love you much.

  3. Hey, I can totally relate. As you know, I have 2 boys with a similar age gap to yours. Two years ago, I could have written this exact post (without the part about being pregnant, which I’m guessing probably gives you the trump card). Although this stage will pass, there are always “things” to deal with. I am going through “stuff” with both of my boys right now, just different stuff to what I had to deal with 2 years ago. You’ll cope. We all manage to cope, somehow.
    My heart breaks to see my boys grow up and CHANGE so much … they are greatly influenced by their peers, and their mother is no longer the most awesome person in the world who knows everything. It SUCKS sometimes. I long to have my little babies back … but at the same time, I adore seeing my boys grow and learn. Even if they need some guidance and direction whilst doing so.
    You’ll be absolutely fine, I promise. Hang in there!

  4. Oh sweetie… it is SO tough, being a mom to two little guys… I know it firsthand! I’m far from perfect myself… being a mom is hard work, all the time. We are ON 24/7! That’s insane if you really think about it! And there are those days that make you cry, that make you super frustrated, and you wonder how you’ll make it through another day… I know you’re a great mom to your two little boys and you’ll be a terrific mom to your baby girl. It will be a hard adjustment, I’m sure, but many people who have three children have told me that going from 1 to 2 was harder than going from 2 to 3. Here’s hoping that is true! HUGS HUGS HUGS!!! And so very exciting that you have a delivery date for your baby!!

  5. Oh Elaine, I have no advice, but it does seem with my boys that just when I think I’m going to leave them on a street corner, they snap out of it – the routine of school will help, the new baby will bring a fun diversion.

    A friend of mine sent me pictures today of her little band – 2 boys and a girl – they just looked so right together – it will get easier. It DOES get easier.

    Or there’s always duct tape and the closet.

  6. Ah yes. I’ve got two boys pretty close in age and I can totally relate. Well, except I’m not like 100 months pregnant and we didn’t just move and we haven’t been in the same car together for 7 hours in a long time, but trust me, I can relate. Oh the life of a 5 year old! I hear you, trust me I hear you. I just love the mornings when I bring the little one (2 yr old) out of his room only to have Quinn (almost 5) say, “no. I don’t want him to look at me.” WHAT???? Seriously. 7am and it starts, somedays. and then, of course, as you know, other days aren’t so bad.

    The ups and downs – it’s hard to remember the ups when the downs are so hard and ugly.

    Ugly days. That’s what I call them at the end of the day.

  7. Well I have no value added comment here….life with one is easy, but it must be the 5 yr old attitude that is draining!!!!
    It must get easier….the kids will get into a new groove and life will settle, they are all miracles…noone ever said out lives as moms would be smooth sailing…One day at a time!

  8. Oh lady, I totally get it.

    You know what? It IS going to be hard. But it WILL get better.

    We have days like you just described (and Miles has an attitude like you just described) all the time. Just so you know :)

  9. oh i think you and i had the SAME day today. my two were a handful and then some.

    and yay for oct. 1st!! that’s my little brother’s birthday- a very fine day to be born. :) can’t wait to see her!!

  10. Just reading this takes me back to when my son was five. It is definitely a trying age. Let me tell you, nine is sooo much nicer. Hang in there.

    As far as adding a third child, it may take some adjustments, but I’m sure that everything will turn out fine in the end. It always does.

    3 weeks–wow!! That is so close!! I’m so excited for you!

  11. I can totally relate. My boys have bad days too! I want a third, but sometimes I just don’t think I can do it. I think every family goes thru those days. It will get better. The kids know there are big changes coming…change is hard on everybody. My Weston is having a hard time because Kindergarten starts tomorrow! We’ll get thru it!

  12. Oh Elaine…my dear…i so could have written this post myself. A matter of fact i think i might have started it a few days ago and just never finished it.

    We are in the middle of a complete restructure of our house for the exact reasons you just named. Although i have 9 more weeks to prepare for the arrival of our new addition i spend a lot of days wondering how my brain will function since right now it seems to be running away as fast as it can.

    I wish i was closer so we could lose our mind together! But dont feel alone because i am right there with you! A 4 year old with an attitude, a 3 year old with a temper, and a baby in my belly who has no clue what he has gotten himself into.

  13. They won’t remember the bad days. Really.

  14. Wow, Elaine…sounds so similar. Brennan has had such attitude lately as well. And Evan is so darn independent-like that he gets so bent out of shape, too. Hang in there – it can only get better, right? BTW, Evan’s birthday is October 1st – I’ll be thinking about you and your new baby girl that day!

  15. I think your baby girl is a blessing and will be a welcome calm in your home.

    I think she will mesmerize the boys and hopefully soften their rough edges a bit.

    You are an amazing mother…and the truth is I feel the same way alot…and I only have one….so what does that say? LOL!

    Motherhood isn’t for sissies…and we’re tough.

    Tomorrow will be better and brighter, I just know it!

  16. I have days like this all the time! It makes me so sad when I am the one to get the grunt of all the temper tantrums and out to be the bad guy. You just have to brush yourself off and know in your heart that your doing the best you possibly can and tomorrow is a new day. HUGS

  17. I think that kids tend to act up more then they know or sense there is a change about to take place or that is what happens around here. Don’t worry, things will fall into place. They always do.

  18. I can totally relate. I often wonder, Am I cut out for this mommy gig? When we had our 3rd child, life was really hectic with a 2 1/2 and a 15 month old, but I knew I just had to take things one day at a time. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.
    ONE DAY AT A TIME! You will get through it.

  19. I know I’m not going to say anything you don’t already know!!

    The B Man is most definitely testing out the new waters of being a kindergartener in a new city. It’s tough to be 5! Little G is at *that* age, and not only is he trying to exert his independence, but he’s also missing his big bro so much. (I’m dealing with this with Mia right now!) Add to that the fact that they’re about to have a new little sister, and it’s no wonder you’re wanting to pull your hair out.

    Take a deep breath and realize that you are a WONDERFUL mother. You aren’t doing anything wrong, and there really isn’t anything you can do to make it all better. Trust me. All you can do is keep loving those boys and reassuring them that everything’s going to be okay. And it will be, I promise!

    Oh, it will get a little worse before it gets better, but it will get better!!

    I’m so excited for all of you to meet your sweet, pink bundle of joy :)

    Big hugs, Elaine. I’m sorry I didn’t get to give them to you in person this past weekend, but I hope you had a wonderful time visiting!

  20. p.s. Mia is sitting here pointing at Little G’s picture on your sidebar and SCREAMING BJ!!! She’s convinced that he’s her Bubba!!

  21. You will be okay, I know you will but I also know what you are feeling, minus the third baby thing though I can certainly understand why you would be feeling that way.

    Hang in there, you are all dealing with a lot of changes!

    (Jack is pulling the same stuff over here too, I think B is just maturing early – does that make you feel better? Yeah, didn’t think so :)

  22. October 1…that’s so close. Exciting. And scary, I know. I can’t say it will always work, but you know, three meltdowns aren’t that much worse than two. You’ll find your rhythm and it will be like she was always meant to be with you, because she was!

  23. {{{HUGS}}} I’m sure you’re a great mom!!

  24. I know EXACTLY what you are going through! I am in the same boat, well except that baby #3 got here already.
    K is challenging us too. Big time, all day long. I sometimes think I hardly get a change to not get upset with her. No matter what she wants to be the decision making adult!

    Exhausting!

    You will be fine when baby girly arrives. You have the love and the place for her. Adjustments will be tough, they were on us and it took a good month for E to get used to not being the ‘baby’.
    You just do it, and I don’t know how. God gives us the will and the way.
    I was so overwhelmed with our two and was freaking out when H was born, how the heck was I going to manage. Thank the Lord that newborns sleep a lot and cannot move!

    hugs!

  25. I was going through the exact same situation in early 2008 and often wondered if I would come out of it all alive.

    I did.

    I have lost many brain cells and yelled more than I care to admit, but we have survived.

    And still smile. Most of the time.

    And so will you.

    ((hugs))

  26. Oh, man, I have days like this all the time.

    Hang in there. It won’t be like this for long.

  27. Oh, Elaine, I could write for hours on this subject! Honestly, I’m stressed for you just thinking about it because I can’t possibly imagine a 3rd right now. BUT, you know what? It has been done over & over again by so many moms, I KNOW it can be done & as someone else wrote, “they won’t remember” & that is true. We all tend to beat ourselves up for being bad moms & the truth is that I think that means we are all really good moms because we care! My mom had a 4 yr old, TWIN 2 year olds & a newborn & she managed somehow to survive & we all turned out pretty darn good despite the fact that she says she felt horrible for “only” being able to take care of our needs…October 1st? WOW, can’t wait to see her! Wish I could take pics of her! :)