Just Punch me in the Gut Why Dontcha

I was blind-sided today. I don’t like being blind-sided. I like things to run on time and smoothly and as expected and to be “normal.” Especially where my children are concerned.

All that went out the window today while at Little G’s (one month late) 18-month check up.

I knew he was sick and most likely had an infection of some sort after two nights of coughing and wheezing. Yeah, that would be due to the double ear infection.

But, I had no idea I would be getting a questionare today that might change our lives or could just be a mere bump in the road. At this point we just don’t know.

They were questions concerning my son’s behavior in relation to the “A” word – Autism – and well kids, we didn’t do SO well… And as the doctor began to discuss my answers with me I felt like I’d been punched right square in the stomach and my head started to spin.

There were about 4 or 5 questions that I didn’t answer “right.” I never was good at Pop Quizes.

But this one concerns my precious boy and right now my heart is breaking. I can’t bring myself to make the phone call to the people who are supposed to come to my home to evaluate him and see if there really is a reason to be concerned. Not today anyway. Perhaps tomorrow.

I left the doctor’s office feeling like maybe I am just not the best mother and don’t pay enough attention to what he does and doesn’t do. But after calling my husband while completely balling my eyes out, he agreed with my answers. And honestly, I didn’t want him to. But, he did.

The good news is that we know Little G does not have any MAJOR problems in this area. He makes eye contact, he talks, he socializes (some).

The bad news is that right now it is possible that he falls somewhere on that “spectrum” as they like to say.

I personally think that they are going to come here and find that there is no reason to be concerned (have I used that word enough in this post?). I pray that is the case.

It’s just that today’s check up was nothing close to perfect and even though we don’t expect our children to be “perfect” we could probably all admit that we’d like them to be as close as possible. I think that is just human nature.

Little G is wading in the bath as I type this, with bubbles all over his head, placed there by his big brother, babbling away. I’m sure he’s fine but of course we have to find out for sure first.

If you have a little prayer in your heart, please say one for him and us tonight. And to my husband, I really wish you were here for me to hug right now. But you already know that.

Little G’s stats:

Weight: 24 lbs., Height: 31.5 inches Head: 48.5 inches

elaine

Comments

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Oh Elaine, I’m so sorry :-(
    I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now – I’ve never been in your shoes, but have good friends who have and I have watched them come to terms with a possible “label” for their children. I do hope that Little G doesn’t end up with a difficult diagnosis, but if he does, remember that he’s still the same little boy he was yesterday. He is lucky to have a wonderful mommy like you.
    Thinking of you, and praying too.
    ((Hugs))

  3. OMGosh, I don’t even know where to start! I’m so sorry this happened to you today, please don’t let it get to you. I’m sure everything is going to be fine, doctors sometimes think that if a child doesn’t fit into their “perfect statistics” that something MUST be wrong, but children continue to prove them wrong over and over again!!

    I’m praying for you that God’s strength will get you through this battle and that you will realize all that God has in store for you and your precious little boy!!

  4. I’ve got prayers to spare for that little boy, and a big hug to you my friend.

  5. With tears in my eyes, I just said a prayer for all of you! Have faith…

  6. He is such a cutie!!

  7. Oh Elaine,

    I am so so sorry. And truly, I am sure that there is not a reason to be concerned. Hang in there, and know that I will be praying for all of you!

  8. Oh wow, i’m praying for you and hope that there is nothing to be worried about, but I know how sad and scared you must feel! HUGS!

  9. Elaine,

    Hang in there, know that I am thinking of you and your family.

  10. I will keep y’all in my prayers!

  11. I’ve yet to do my morning Bible Study and quiet time. Little G will be my focus, this morning! HUGS! :)

    PS- Why is my child such a dwarf? lol Little G is almost 4 inches taller than Matthew! ha ha ha.

  12. Elaine,

    Big hugs your way! My guess is they are merely being over cautious. You are a great mom and most moms I know whose child has the “A” word had a gut feeling well before a doctor showed concern.

    I will be saying a special prayer today for you and Little G :)

  13. Oh Elaine, I am so sorry that you are going through this without hubby there next to you. Hopefully you can feel all of the virtual hugs coming your way. I have to say that I am very shocked that they are looking at the spectrum this early. I know that most developmental pediatricians will not go that route until children are significantly older.

    Good luck making the call. I know how hard it can be. I have been there with my oldest and done it for several different concerns. If you need anything just ask. Lots of prayers also coming your way.

  14. Elaine – I can only imagine how scared you must be right now. Hopefully this is all just precautionary and Little G is going to be fine but your heart must be in your throat. If you ever need some information or someone to talk to – I’m totally available. I have been working as a music therapist for 10 years now with all levels of kids with autism. But hopefully we won’t need to have that talk. Praying for you guys!

  15. Hugs Elaine and prayers and happy thoughts. 20 years ago as a new mom the A word never crossed my mind and now it’s part of an almost daily vocabulary. Early intervention is a good thing and it doesn’t hurt to be too cautious. One thing that won’t change it your love for Little G. And there is a world of info at your fingertips. God bless!

  16. Awwww-my prayers go out to you & your family.
    I hope it all turns out to be nothing.
    {{hugs}}
    What a cutie pie!!!

  17. Elaine,

    What a day! I agree that they are probably being overly cautious. Most parents (or family friends) have an idea that there may be an issue before the doctor mentions it.

    IF (and that is a BIG IF) he is “on the spectrum” they have tons of therapy options now. Our elementary school has an autism department (not the right word) and the kids get lots of one on one time.

    Go ahead and call the people who evaluate. You will feel better once this is behind you and you know what the future has in store. Either way.

    He is still perfect. You would be his advocate for everything in his life regardless of any spectrum.

    You are in our prayers. Please keep us posted.

  18. In my prayers.

    But on a good note. I have a cousin who is autistic, but on the less so side of the spectrum.

    He’s a psychiatrist…went to med school.

    He just is very very shy. However, he had a lot of good therapy as a child, and he did just fine. Operates completely normal. Has a wife. Two kids. Plays sports.

    People just assume he is shy and likes to keep to himself.

    Good luck with everything :)

  19. We are all praying for you and little one…i can not imagine how difficult this must be for you…but truthfully, i think you would be a lot more concerned (theres that word again) a lot sooner had you truly felt there was a big problem. Don’t you? Some kids are just introverts. He may need a little help to get a jump start, but that’s alright.

    My sister was diagnosed with ADHD when we were kids. She did the medication thing for a while and therapy. Now she doesnt take medication, doesn’t need it, focuses just fine…in fact in May she is graduating with honors from VCU. Anyway point being, he’ll be fine, he obviously has parents to love and guide and help meet whatever needs he may have :)

    I am still praying for you to have some peace at this time and always for the little ones :)

    Much love to you and yours!

  20. Oh, Elaine, I am so sorry you had to feel this way! I think we as a society often put kids in boxes, being it Autism, ADD, etc. Don’t worry, I think second born babies all talk less if their older sib is a talker. My son, who is now 22, did not speak until he was 3. Autism was not an option back then or I am sure he would have been classified as that. He was just laid back and didn’t care. Chin up, baby! He is fine. He is different from Big G and that is OKAY!!! I will praying for you and for a peace that all this is going to work out just right. I love ya, girl!!!!

  21. Hi – I want to tell you a bit about my son, who sounds A LOT like your little man. At 15 months he stopped eating – completely – liquid diet only, he never uttered a sound. At age 2, he still didn’t speak AT ALL, he would point only. He didn’t interact with his peers – EVER. Only me, he couldn’t touch anything without freaking out! He was diagnosed with severe speech apraxia, severe eating disorder and sensory integretion disorder. Okay I say, what do we need to do. Therapy – INTENSE therapy. And be also heard, borderline autistic . . . I wouldn’t allow this to happen – really I just wouldn’t. We went to therapy 5 or 6 days a week for 6 months straight – trial and error – finding the right therapists – it must be a GREAT fit for it to work! Within one year he was speaking BETTER than his peers – the other stuff we still work with. But he is terrific – in the gifted program at his school and reads at a grade level ahead and tests out for math at a 4th grade level (he’s in first grade). I guess what I would say to you is this – YOUR LITTLE MAN will be awesome!! You – the mom- know in your gut what is best for him!! Always go with your instincts!! Best wishes!!

  22. as a teacher i would say this…

    early intervention is key. so make the call. and if your gut is right and it’s nothing, no big deal. and if it is something, then you are on your way to find what works.

    as a mom i would say this…

    i feel for you and am sending hugs and happy thoughts. and i totally understand the ‘perfect’ thoughts. but the good news, no matter what he is still perfect bc he’s yours :)

  23. Oh, Elaine. Hugs. It’s better to get answers soon… fast. So you heart can rest when you know the answers. Hugs.

  24. Big hugs Elaine! I am sure everything will work out because you and your husband are great parents who love and support your children in amazing ways.

  25. Many many bloggy hugs and prayers for your family right now. I am thinking that since you had no idea maybe its nothing. or very slight.

  26. prayers for you guys. i sure hope you can get some answers and the results from the evaluation that you are looking for.

  27. Oh Elaine, I feel terrible that I am just reading this now! I really need to have my reader set up so that it flags the IMPORTANT posts to read first.

    I have a cousin who is autistic. And he is far into the spectrum and he was not diagnosed until he was over 2. Don’t beat yourself up, it sounds to me like you have noticed things and are being honest in your answers. That is the most important thing.

    I wish I was there to give you a hug. And I will most definitely say a prayer or 20 too.

    No matter what, he is a sweet little boy and he will always bring joy to your life. Of that I am positively certain!

  28. Oh and also, I am pretty sure they could put my Jack on the spectrum too but I have actually refused to have him diagnosed officially. For a number of reasons the most important being that he is who he is. We can’t change it, we can only accept it and work with it. If you want to know more, email me :-)

    In my heart, I feel like your G is fine…he’s just choosing a different developmental path than the “average”. The average is so overrated!

  29. Elaine-
    The spectrum seems to be so wide these days that they really are very thorough and look at all possibilities.
    Still, I know how scared you must be. Many, many prayers are headed your way.

  30. That must be very scary! I hope you are able to get the answers you need and I am sending hugs your way!

  31. Praying for your peace. It must be very scary, my thought and prayers go out to you..

    The other Elaine…

  32. I will definitely be praying for you. How scary! You are right-we all want our children to be as close to perfect as possible, but we all know that is not always the way it works out. I hope that you are able to rest in God’s peace while moving forward.

  33. Oh Elaine, I am so sorry… we will be praying for you and your little man. God made him PERFECT… i know you know that! :)

    Britt

  34. Oh honey! I am sending great big giant hugs your way. I am so sorry for this fear you are facing. But I think the unknown is the hardest part; you are a GREAT mom, and I know you will deal with whatever comes. I must say I was totally taken aback, as I certainly never saw any indication the times I’ve seen Gavin! If there are concerns, I can only imagine they will prove to be very mild. But regardless, he will be fine, you will be fine, and he IS perfect! HE is HIM, and that’s perfect!!

  35. I haven’t been able to check my favorite blogs regularly (you know why) and so I’m a few days late on this. Big hus- I’m sure Little G is fine. But I have to agree with PP’s, early intervention is key.

    I have a nephew that was diagnosed with Angelman’s Syndrome before he was even a year old. He was able to start working with an occupational therapist and physical therapist right away and he is making leaps and bounds.

  36. What a shock for you… I’m sorry that you had to go through this. Nothing is worse than finding out you need to be concerned when you thought everything was fine – especially when it involves your baby. I agree with the moms above who say that they’re probably being overcautious… My thoughts will be with and little G while you wait to find out. I’m sure it will turn out to be fine. (((Hugs)))

  37. We went through something VERY similar at my younger son’s 12 month check up. Everyone came out to look at him and decided to come back again after 18 months. He’s 18 months now and I still haven’t called. I’m a teacher. I was very concerned about somethings. I’ve written a bit about it – you can check on the side of my blog – one of my favorite posts, “In His Own Time”.
    It’s something I keep repeating to myself. Hopefully little G is just taking his time getting to those milestones that you weren’t able to “Answer” correctly.
    Plus – if he’s making eye contact and socializing that is great! Laughing with his brother – excellent!
    Either way – early intervention is amazing and if he is on the “spectrum” getting therapy now will help so much! Good luck!

  38. Oh Elaine! My heart is breaking for you…I know how that must make you feel! Please, Please know that you can’t worry too much (as impossible as that seems) until you’ve talked to the professionals that deal with this on a daily basis!

    Everything I’ve ever read from you makes me think that little G is just fine (I did my undergrad in speech pathology and some work in grad school too). Anyway, I know a LOT of great people at UTD in that area (where I got my graduate degree) if you ever need an insider’s thoughts, I’m sure I can get you in contact with the best of the best in DFW…

  39. So – I read your other post about how you don’t think anything is “wrong” before I read this one. And let me just say that you voice what many of us think – that we all hope your kids are as close to “perfect” as possible … or at least as close to “normal” as possible! But you know what? So what if he isn’t “normal?” He’s still your kid. He’ll still laugh in the bathtub with his big brother. He’ll still be absolutely adorable. He’s the same exact kid that he was before you thought anything was “wrong” with him, right? Anyway – my point is he’s fabulous! (Though I certainly hope that he’s not autistic.)

    PS – My son was 34 inches tall at 15 months and 33 lbs!

  40. i have no idea how i missed this post! what?!?! i am shocked. i will be praying but if my opinion is worth anything, i don’t think anything is wrong with the little guy… he seems perfect to me!

  41. I’m behind as usual but just want you to know I’ll be praying for Little G. I’m sure as you said in your later post, he’s just fine.

    Big virtual hugs coming your way! That had to be a heck of a scare.

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