When I was a little girl I was pretty chunky.
I always had to have the biggest soccer shorts and sometimes even those didn’t fit me. But I still wore them. Ugh. I was the ‘biggest’ girl in dance class (not the tallest, but widest) and I was teased a lot. One time while riding my bike in the school parking lot, past the kids waiting for their parents to pick them up, one said, “Oh look! There goes the bus!” (meaning me).
I remember my third grade school photo vividly. The one where I had approximately 2.5 chins and a tropical print button-down shirt (don’t ask, it was the ’80’s) that was workin’ overtime, if you know what I mean. Oh and the long, side pony-tails and the too-small-for-my-face glasses did nothing to make me look more svelte.
I remember being at the pool during the summers seeing the girls with long, thin legs and wishing that I could be like that. Just for one day. Or maybe a week. And I recall yelling at my mother one time, blaming her for always feeding me fattening foods, while I cried my eyes out at the dining room table.
When I was in middle school I was determined to NOT look so chubby and so in the 7th grade I started NOT eating. I would eat one meal a day. NOT a good idea. But I lost weight! I’m not sure how my Mother let me get away with this but I did it and I thought I looked good! (I did but I didn’t, you know?) I was in NO way anorexic but I was certainly not healthy. Then I got hungry and finally started eating again and by that time I’d lost the ‘baby weight’ and gone through puberty so my body was just different anyway.
All this to say I’ve NEVER been completely happy with my body. Of course I look back now on my high school days and cannot EVEN believe I thought I was fat or whatever else.
Now I’m 35, my body has carried and given birth to three babies and I’ve found an eating and exercising lifestyle that works for me (see LONG title of post).
I’ll never be the ‘thinnest’ lady around. It’s just not in the genes. I still look at some of the Moms at the pool and know I won’t have a body just like that. Ever. But now I know that’s okay. And I know I can be at a healthy weight and look good for ME (and for my man and even my kids!).
As of this morning I’d lost the 20 pounds I set out to lose,which puts me at the weight I was the day I found out I was pregnant with Baby K. But I’m not ready to stop. I would like to lose about 8 to 10 more pounds and I believe I can.
These days my “biggest” problem is that many of my clothes don’t even fit. As in they are TOO big.
Aw bummer, I guess it’s about time to go shopping…