I’m not gonna lie.
Becoming a parent was hard. And I’m not just talking about the delivery part (although for me that was fairly tumultuous…). I’m mostly talking about the “Oh NO! – WHAT THE FRACK* did I do to my life and how am I completely responsible for this human being???” part.
It was a rough transition for me. I took some “drugs” (the legal kind). I felt better. After a while…
And I’ll be even MORE honest. It was not that hard for me to drop my first baby off at the in-home daycare the first day I had to go back to work after 3 months had passed. I TRIED to force tears come out of my eyes (true story) but they just didn’t. They couldn’t. I was glad to be going back to work. I NEEDED (craved) the adult interaction that I knew was waiting for me there.
It was essential to my “WHAT THE FRACK??” feelings.
It was a big life change for me, having a baby.
I wanted one. I always knew I did. In my heart I always wanted to be a mother. Always. But when the day came that I became one, things changed so, SO MUCH. My heart changed. My mind changed. My love for my husband changed (in a good way) and even my body changed.
But what really changed is that I wasn’t just living for ME anymore. I was living for someone else. I was living for him. As time went on and those not-so-good feelings passed, I got back to being myself again and I got to know my son. It took a while but then I realized how important his life was to my own and how being thrust into parenting (even if planned, it’s still “thrusting” in my opinion) is really the right way to go, even if it is tough at times.
I’m not sure why I’m sharing all this now. I guess it’s just been on my mind lately as I think about how much my children have helped me to grow as a person. These days, I couldn’t have even fathomed leaving K at a day care (not saying that there’s anything wrong with that, I just feel blessed that for our family, I didn’t have/need to…) or NOT being the mother to these three beautiful, amazing human beings.
I’m just in awe when I sit and think back at what an amateur parent I was, and how much learning, experiencing and living you have to do to even get to the point I am now. And my kids are still young! There’s still so much to learn and in store for them and even me, as a parent.
And I’m also so happy to be at the point where I can look forward into the future and never look back with regret…
And on a side note… This same child that made me a mother almost 7 years ago started riding his bike without training wheels AND lost both of his top teeth all in the last week. Hold me.
*Thanks to my friend Bari for this word! he he…