I hear the same birds cawing and chirping as I did before, since the house is literally less than a block away from the previous one. The one we/I lived in for 8 years, almost exactly. I moved out of it two weeks after the eighth anniversary.
I moved for a few reasons, including some monetary and others personal. I went through the headache of packing and/or “tossing”
almost every last item contained within the house we moved into in the middle of 2009. And when I say “toss”, I mean I actually threw some things in my van. (I also mean I threw some things out – into the trash).
There were a few miscellaneous items I wasn’t sure what to do with. Like the copious amounts of scrapbooks and wedding albums and even my wedding gown, from those now defunct nuptials years ago. Some things were saved and packed away tight for the kids’ future reference, not mine. And the rest, WENT AWAY.
Moving on is something everyone must do at some point in their life, whether from a broken relationship or home. Many times it is from something that is no longer healthy, physically or emotionally. Some of us just have to, or even need to, “grow up” in a sense. Not everyone does that at the same age. Some are forced to do it much younger. I was not made to until I was in my 40’s. Moving on often times also means forgiving. It means doing the best you can to let go of past hurts and find it within yourself to know that you did the best you could, given the situation and every day is a new chance to renew. Therefore, not only forgiving the other person, but yourself as well.
In this case, for me, moving on also meant actually MOVING. I needed away from the space that was shared by five (six if you include the loyal, cute dog) to a new space, shared by a new kind of family. I found myself more than ready to carve out my own little spot in the world, with less memories – a place that was new to me and to our reformed family.
Things here are a bit different. There has been some adaptation on both mine and the kids’ parts. The kids just came back from vacation with their dad this past weekend, and seemed at ease when they returned. I did a lot of work while they were gone… This is a “tighter” house, with no garage and much less storage. I had to purge clothes and shoes and just STUFF. This type of shedding is good though – extremely cathartic. Albeit a tad hard on a sentimental person (who may even be changing her ways a bit…)
I am ready though, it is time to start fresh. It is time to clean out and leave empty spaces for new things to take hold. It is time to cut back and let the new blooms emerge.
A few nights ago the kids and I walked through our new backyard, into our neighbors’, and over to the former house. It is empty and clean and I took them there so we could close the door one last time and say “goodbye” together. In a way, it is the end of an era for all of us. That house holds many memories, both good and not so. Life changed for me and for them immensely, while living and growing within those walls.
But our fresh start is at address 131 – I say it means “1 mom, 3 kids and 1 dog”. We will plant new seeds here and roots will grow. We will get used to the nuances and we will make it our home. We will laugh and we will cry and we will change.
And the growing will continue…