Be Still.

“Mommy, I want a snack!”

Pause.

“Mommy, did you hear me?”

*yes, I heard you baby, but I’m working*

“Yes, baby, just a minute!”

This time I was watermarking photos, not even surfing the internet. I got to a stopping point, put my laptop on the table and raised myself from the comfy couch to get her a snack.

I heard her munch as she watched one of her shows on Nick Jr. and while I got back to work.

My phone dinged, the computer made a noise from another notification.  The distractions were EVERYWHERE.

Her snack was done and the show over.

She walked over and climbed on the couch, right next to me.  She managed to make eye contact with me, saying, “Mom, I want to sit on your lap!”

I immediately put the laptop down.

Someday so soon she will not want to sit in my lap.  Someday soon she will not even fit anymore.

So I heeded her request quickly. The photos can wait.

At first I tickled her and she squirmed all over me, giggling uncontrollably.  But then we both settled and she leaned back into my chest and I felt the weight of the world, of loving someone, just one person, SO much.

I buried my nose into her soft hair and it tickled my arm. I thought about the moment that I was in, that was so very fleeting.  And my heart, it ached.  In good ways and bad.  It stung with the beauty of her and how I still to this day, cherish her unexpected presence in my life.  And it burned with the passage of time and the moment that is just a small one in the bigness of it all.

But we are here together, forever bonded.  Forever mother and daughter, no matter what may come.

Right here, right now.  Just me and my baby girl.

So I am learning.  To sit more still.  To put the computer aside.  To turn off the t.v. and the pesky notifications.

I am trying to be still.

Trying.

GFunkified

Comments

  1. Oh this is something I try to do daily with each of the kids. It’s so important. Glad you had your moment, you’re a good Mama!

  2. Those are my favorite moments… Feeling the sweet weight of a single, solid, deeper even than my heart recognizes love.

  3. A practice I have come to really cherish. I had a similar moment a few weeks ago when both of mine sat still with me for a few minutes of silence. We just breathed together. It was so amazing. I don’t usually get them both still at the same time ;)

    I love how you describe her. Your big love for her shines through every word of this post <3

  4. I love when this happens. Both of you, together in the moment – I cherish those moments with my boys. I feel the same way: other things can wait – these opportunities won’t come around every day.

  5. Yup, I can relate to this. Although in our house it goes both ways – it’s often times just as much me exclaiming, “Oh my goodness, be STILL for a minute!” as she wiggles all over me as it is her asking, “Mommy, can I cuddle with you?” when I’m otherwise distracted. But when we do manage to be still together, it’s as if we’re two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. I can almost still feel her inside my womb in those moments.

  6. I’ve been trying to do that more. It’s tough with my two crazies generally wanting two different types of attention at the same time because they are usually not on the same energy-page for the day.

  7. Yep, same here. When my 4yo asks for it and I oblige he starts to ask more frequently. It’s something I need to encourage.

  8. I’ve been trying to do this more, as well. I only get to see my boy for a couple of hours in the evening before he has to go to bed, so I made a rule not to be on the phone or computer during those two hours. I don’t always get everything done, but I have a lot of good times with the one I love the most. :)

  9. I am terrible WHILE I’m working, but I turned off all phone notifications when I’m not. Trying to find the balance. It is so hard!

  10. I need to learn to be more still. I need to lock my phone in the drawer and be more present. Thank you for this reminder.

  11. I feel like I’m NOT learning this lesson. Argh! I feel like life is fleeing and I can only survive right now.

  12. I think you do a really good job of this, the being still and the focusing on them. Good for you.

  13. It’s basically impossible to be still, honestly. There are too many distractions in life, but I’m glad you’re trying! I’m trying too.

  14. I’ve decided that working from home with a 3 yo is completely impossible – or I just really suck at it. I so love and get this. xoxo

  15. I agree with Tracy. I probably have an easier time working with all 3 home than just the 3yo. But the work usually has to wait until the evening so I can participate in moments like this. Beautiful.

  16. It is so hard to just be still, to put all the distractions aside and just be. Good for you for taking the time to just be with your little girl .

  17. It is so hard to do, but sometimes, it just has to be done. When one of them wants to sit in your lap, everything else can wait, right?

  18. Great moment. I have to remind myself to take these moments too (I say as I sit on the couch with a toddler beside me and comment on blogs!!).

  19. I have been doing this too. Tim just flies so quickly and soon they won’t want to spend any time with us. I’m soaking up all of the chances that I have now.

  20. yes! it’s hard because I just wanna get stuff done! But it always comes back to what’s most important. people. people are most important. specifically loved ones. So, I get this. Glad you two had this moment. xo

  21. Yes, they are so much more important than anything else in this world. It’s hard to do, but we have to.
    Thanks for the reminder friend.

  22. Isn’t it hard sometimes? As a fellow photographer practically forever in front of a computer. And yes, I will be alone with my photos one day when both kids are grown. So I try to be more present here now. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.

  23. I do not want my kids main memory from their childhood to be me at my computer.

  24. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Me too.
    This just makes me bawl all over the place. I guess it’s that kind of a day. ;)
    Beautiful, Elaine.

  25. A constant battle no doubt, too. I totally get it. “Mommy’s working on her computer!”

    It’s good for them to see us work and know that we are contributing, but sometimes it’s just so hard.