Wednesday, March 28, 2012

PT stands for Pretty Tired.

So I started that PT for my ankle and it actually turns out my ENTIRE right side from lower back down is a tad messed up.  Who knew?  Apparently my right hip sits further forward than my left and that explains a lot of my issues.

And this morning this physical therapist/chiropractor dude with big muscles threw my body around like a sack of potatoes and now I'm sore and have some pain in my back.  But my ankle feels pretty good.

He also put needles in me, as in acupuncture.  Uh huh.

I was celebrating getting older earlier in the week but now I'm starting to re-think that.

Anyway, I'm laying here in my new craft-matic bed (it's actually a Serta but I still like to call it that, just for funsies...) and moaning while I edit a few pictures I've taken recently.

That's about all I can muster.  When did 37 turn into 87?

Advil anyone?


 Love the red.


 Doesn't it kinda look like I'm wearing a strapless dress of cement?! Ha!


 Pretty weeds.  Anyone know what these are?


Last of the azaleas


They just studied China at school.  And in other news, he'll be EIGHT on Monday. Ack!



This last one is a glimpse into my daily life.  Our living room, me doing something on my laptop, K yelling at her brothers (out of the picture on the left), while trying to play a game on my phone.  I promise we went outside minutes later and ate organic snacks while out there reading books and learning foreign languages. Oh and crafting. Yes, totally.......

;-P



If I'd only known you all then...

I wish I had the internet when my first child was born.

I mean, I HAD the internet but not the way I do now. I didn’t have it as a friend. As a support group. As a place for respite in hard times and celebration in the good times.

Like I do now.

If I had known this community when my son was born in 2004 I think things would have been somewhat different for me. I don’t think I would have felt so alone in my feelings of anxiety and borderline depression. After Ben was born I wanted to rewind. I wanted to go back to the way my life had been before. I did not want to hurt my son, I just wanted to drop him off at someone else’s door and have my life return to “normal”.

With his delivery came some complications, mostly for me, both physically and emotionally. And even though I had heard of the “baby blues” no one elaborated on that too much. I pictured myself just crying more than usual, or having feelings like I did with PMS. Normal stuff. But now, I believe that it is not something that people can really describe to someone else. I know that you truly have to live through it yourself to know exactly what it feels like and even then, it is still different for everyone.

I had many reasons to want to go back, including my own damaged body (and I don’t just mean because I had borne baby now my body wasn’t “perfect”, it was different than that…). I also could not get the child to breastfeed to save his life (literally) and I felt like the worst mother on the planet for it. I’d read SO much telling me that “breast was best” and how wonderful it was for bonding. And because I felt about as “bonded” to him as one stranger does to another, I wanted that so badly.

It took several weeks and a lot of "bonding" with my hospital grade pump before my dear husband looked me in the eye and told me he felt it was time to take another approach. I’m sure he had no idea who I had become and I know I did not either. We agreed that it was time to realize that my fight to feed him from the breast was not won. And that my internal struggle was worse than giving in to formula.

My doctor also noticed a difference in me and we all agreed that an anti-depressant was also in order. So here I was, depressed, sad, lonely and scarred. And now a mother.

I SO wish I would have had more people to talk to about it all in those first crazy weeks. I wish I’d had this community, that I know (because I’ve seen it first hand) can wrap its virtual arms around a mother who is going through these things. Who just needs someone to tell her that it’s alright and that they’ve been there and that she’ll get through it and that they are there to listen while she vents.

I got through it.  Or I guess I should say, we got through it. Me, my husband and our baby boy... but I’m guessing it could have been at least a little easier if I would have had you all then.

Just a guess.


Monday, March 26, 2012

No running for now, right? Right.

I sat on the vinyl table with the sterile, crinkly paper as he said it.

“No running for at least a week and no half marathon.”

“No half marathon…?” I echoed his words.

“Nope, you’re not properly trained anyway, right?”

Right. 

And there it was, the new doctor, who I liked a lot, said what I knew in my gut was already true.

And in that one moment I had to fully accept it and move on.

My ankle has finally gotten the better of me. It was bound to happen. I have not been doing what I should be doing. Or stretching or resting it like I should either, I guess.

He gave me a shot and for a while my foot felt like it used to, years ago, before all this started, and I rejoiced.

The words “physical therapy” bring hope.

Hope that this “bursitis” can get better.

I’m too young for this, right?

Right.

I just hope I can run again and now I REALLY want another half marathon to be in my future.

Typing that makes me what it all the more.

However, becoming pain free is first.

Any positive thoughts, vibes and prayers are much appreciated.

PT, here I come… right?

Right.

Me and my babies on my 37th birthday 


p.s. the birthday was good. It was a beautiful day even though I did get a shot in my foot. ;)









also linking up with Mommy and Me Monday 

AND


parenting BY dummies

Sunday, March 25, 2012

"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" won the Academy Award the year I was born.

Today I am 37 years old.

What a strange number, right?  Totally not divisible by anything.  That has always bugged me about any number, frankly.  No idea why.  I just do not like odd numbers in general, even though I was born in an odd-numbered year.

And getting older means that you tend to ramble on about nonsensical things that are of no interest to anyone, in your birthday posts!

Apparently.

But instead of waxing philosophical about getting older and all that jazz, I  present you with this picture of me and my bear cake on what I'm going to guess was my 6th birthday.  But it may have been my 5th.  Either way it was the very early 80's and that couch is now illegal in all 50 states.  Or if not, it should be.



A few observations.

First of all, why is the bear cake STARING up at me?  Kinda creepy no?!  Maybe he/she knew we were about to dig into him/her.  It looks like it wants to eat ME, licking its chops and all...

And the almost-knee socks, OMGAWD, really MOM?!?!

The light green shag carpet (that did not go away until my parents' house accidentally flooded {blessing in disguise} from a busted pipe during my college years) is quality '70's luxury at its best.

I'm also smirking at the smallness of the television you can barely see behind me, on the left.  One I'm sure we had to walk up to just to CHANGE the CHANNEL- OH the HORROR!!

My mother made that Afghan draped over the law-breaking couch.  I wonder where it is now.  I quite like it actually. She probably has it stored away somewhere.  Maybe she would give it to me as a birthday present.

And I'm laughing to myself as I look at this photo because this was before we got the two brown velour-like love seats that were in our living room for FORevah!  The same ones that my parents found beer can tabs and cigarette butts in after my two oldest brothers threw what I can only assume was a kick-ass kegger, while the rest of the fam (including my dear, sweet Granny, God rest her soul) were on summer vacay in Colorado.

And they woulda gotten away with it too except well, the empty kegs were still in the backyard when we arrived back home and the house, it stunk.

Amateurs.

Anyway here I am on Saturday night before Tim and I went to dinner and then to see The Hunger Games.

pssst.... my necklace is from Bead for Life (I was not compensated to say this, just love their jewelry and their cause)

I would say I have better taste in dresses now, wouldn't you? ;-P

37 feels pretty good, actually.


And hey, since it's my birthday and it's a Monday do me a favor and link up to Miss Elaine-ous Monday as a gift to me!  And if you want to send cupcakes, I'm good with that too.

Remember... ANY "miss elaine-ous" post will do, something from your archives or something brand new! :)

Do you have a post that meant a lot to you but wasn't read by as many folks as you'd hoped? Or one that has great pictures and you want more people to see them? Or do you just have one that you really want to share!?

I'll also choose a random post from those who link up to feature on The Miss Elaine-ous Life Facebook page (please "Like" if you have not already) so even more folks will see a new post every week! Grab the button and link up!  And please visit some of the other linkers as well...









Miss Elaine-ous Monday



If you do not post the button, please still link back to my blog, even if you just put a little blurb at the end of you post such as "It's Monday and I'm being "Miss Elaine-ous" over at The Miss Elaine-ous Life!" - Thanks!! Oh and extra bonus points to anyone who puts a tweet out there, that would be awesome too!  Thanks for linking up!


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Running A Muck!

Last week I wrote about my son.  The one that keeps me on my toes the most.  The one that exhausts me, both in good and not-so-good ways.  The one whose face is so cute that it's hard to resist.

And then the other day while in Target, this happened...

On occasion we go to Target while The B Man is at church school.  After we drop him off, me and G and K have an hour of "free time".  Most of the time we just stay on the church playground and play with our friends whose siblings also have church school but some days we hit up Target {specifically the dollar spot or the Lego aisle - you know if you're looking for us...}

Anyway, this last time G was bugging me ALL day to go while B was in school. He wanted SO badly to buy his own Lego set with his own money (which happens to be tons of change he's pilfered from around the house, but hey his Dad leaves it laying around, so finders/keepers, yes?!)  So, I acquiesced  and we made a speedy run over to the Tar-jay.

I decided to make the most of the trip and grab a couple of other things we needed.  Meanwhile G and K made their way FULL SPEED AHEAD down the aisle that runs perpendicular to the toy aisles.  And because I did not come at once, the entire store gets to hear G say, "Mommy, you need to come over here RIGHT. NOW!!!"

Including some of our friends (who of course were in the store at the same time...), whose 8 year old son says to her (she tells me this as I am passing by) "He shouldn't talk to his Mom that way."

Welcome to my life.

(p.s. these are pretty good friends of ours and she and I were both just laughing about it)

But in the same breath, and as I am chasing my children through the store, I hear a young woman say, "....blah, blah... will never have my kids running a muck in Target... like some people...blah, blah"

I SO badly wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say, "OH Honey, your day will come. Trust me."

And I now plan to send up a daily prayer that she one day gives birth to a child (or four) much like my Gavin.

What?

He's really cute.


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

So this week's been a little different

Sometimes things don't always go as planned.  Especially when kids and erratic weather are involved. And that's okay.

Monday, Gav had a Trike-a-thon at school and even though he kept telling me he had a tummy ache before school, he still wanted to go.  He kept saying the night before, "The trike-a-thon is tomorrow, awesome sauce!!"  Seriously.



yes, my 4 yr. old was about the only one on an actual "trike" but he insisted... :)




So, I took him and I was there too, helping with snacks.  After about 6 laps and denial of the cookies we had for post-lap snack, I knew he was not himself.  He came home with me and rested.  But then that afternoon he was back to himself (oh boy was he!).  No idea what was wrong with him but sometimes you just need a break and well, have a tummy ache.

I'd planned to go running errands today and to buy B something to wear for his First Communion but they cancelled school due to rain.  Yes, I said RAIN.  We did have some area flooding last week and school was even delayed last Tuesday because of bus issues.  So I figure they just wanted to take precautions in case the buses had issues again.  But still.  It's rain people.

Anyway, we had a p.j. day here while it well, rained.  And I got an great outfit for B on Zulily.  Internet shopping is all good too, yes?

In the morning the boys argued over Legos and we watched a movie (or two) and had a snacky lunch and just hung out.  And then in the afternoon I opened the garage to go get the mail and next thing I knew, K was in the driveway with her rain boots on (she put them on herself) and p.j.s and jumping in the puddles.  I think she was just so excited to be outside!!  The fresh air was nice, I have to admit.

she caught some serious air, yes?! 






She was soaked by the time it was all over (it was still lightly raining) so around 4 p.m. she put on some regular clothes.

Yes, it was that kinda day.



Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Mediocre

Sometimes I feel like this word defines my life.

Mediocre.

First of all I want to say that I am not writing this here to get comments that say “Oh Elaine, you are so great, etc, etc….” I mean, if you really think that, then awesome but I’m not looking for it.
That’s not why I am writing this.

I say it because it’s true. And because I just FEEL it.

I think in some way we all yearn to be extraordinary. I have tried many things in my life yet I don’t feel like I have ever truly been extraordinary at any of them.

I was a good student, but not the best.

I played soccer fairly well but not the best.

I am a good singer but not good enough to be a professional.

I made decent grades in college and earned a degree but other than meeting my husband at that time, I do not have much to show for it.

I worked diligently and ethically at all of my jobs but never got past being a “worker bee”.

I am most certainly not the best Mother (okay, maybe for MY kids I am, but you know what I mean…)

I run but I do not run the fastest or win any races.

I can make a mean chocolate chip cookie but sometimes they still turn out flat.

I write fairly well but I’m not the wordsmith that others I know certainly are.

I have a blog and I love it and it's my own wonderful space but it's no award winner.

I snap some pretty decent photographs and it makes me SO happy to take them yet I do not feel they are as good as they could be.

All of my life I have been average and the yearning to do something extremely well and be at least ONE of the best at that something has always been there for me. And watching others who are SO good at something that I also like to do has been hard at times.

I am being completely honest with you all here. And I’m not trying to put myself down, I just feel, wonder, think - where does the extraordinary come in? How does one get there?

Is my lack of extraordinary because I’m too lazy or not truly motivated enough? Is it because that’s just who I am? I can do many things at once, all of them so-so. Perhaps it's because I am just one among many, trying to do the same thing....

So what if I focus on JUST one, could I then be the best?  Or really, is anyone ever THE best?  Or are some people just born with BEST-ness?

I wonder, I do.

Where is MY extraordinary?

Maybe it is still to come.

Just maybe.






parenting BY dummies

Monday, March 19, 2012

Gluten Free Friend


The gluten free way of eating become a necessity for several people I know, as well as some of their children.  So, I asked my friend Becca to write about it since I knew she had adopted it as well... Here is her take on how things have changed and stayed the same for her and her family since changing to a gluten free diet. 


Hi there! My name is Becca and I write over at Our Crazy Boys. I have been recently diagnosed with adult onset food allergies, and it has made our lives a little crazier in some aspects. But it’s manageable, with some planning. 

Elaine asked me to write about my gluten intolerance. I have been gluten free for seven months now, and I have noticed differences in my chronic migraine headaches, my severe foot pain (that was thisclose to being misdiagnosed as arthritis), and my multiple belly issues. The kicker, though, is that a few days after she asked me to write about my gluten issues, I found out that gluten was actually the least of my food issues.

My food allergy test results just came back, and I figured out why after eliminating gluten from my diet, I still didn’t feel 100%. I am allergic to (in order from greatest sensitivity to least) dairy, bananas, pineapple, gluten, oats, sugar, yeast, kidney beans, pecans, and sesame seeds. Wow. It looks worse all written out like that.  

You can read more details about symptoms and diagnosis on Crazy Mom’s Kitchen, but I want to tell you about living with food allergies. As a busy Mom of two and someone who loves to spend time in the kitchen, eliminating all of these allergens from my diet was a bit of a challenge.

We don’t eat out much anymore. When we do, we stick to the same local chain of restaurants because I know their staff is well educated about food allergies. I’ve gotten sick quite a few times after eating something with an allergen in it, and as much as the serving staff wants to accommodate my needs, telling me that something is allergen free when it’s not is not ok.

During daily Mom life, I take a cooler full of food with me everywhere. When you’re starving and still have four stops to make, it’s really easy to say “I’ll eat this even though it’s not the best choice for a meal.” I’ve eaten kettle corn for lunch one too many times because I didn’t want to chance eating out. Did you know that sometimes restaurants inject their chicken with gluten so that it tastes better?

My cooler has several staples: Boar’s head turkey and ham, apples, carrots, some peanut butter, gluten and casein (dairy) free pretzels, and a few Kind bars and Lara  bars. Carrying this cooler is a pain. It takes a bit of time to pack.  But in the end? It’s totally worth it  - and healthier than eating out.

My family eats together. We eat breakfast at the island in our kitchen, and dinner at our dining room table. As the family chef {am I the only one who calls myself a family chef?} and someone with food allergies, I get final say in all meals, right? To be honest, the meals we eat at home haven’t changed much since my diagnosis.




My family still eats toast, waffles, and pancakes. I make gluten and dairy free versions from Pamela’s baking mix every month or so. I freeze them so while I’m making breakfast for the boys, I can quickly reheat a pancake or waffle and eat what the rest of the family eats with minimal preparation.

For us, dinner is usually chicken or steak and two or three vegetables. Every once in a while, I’ll add a grain such as brown rice or quinoa. My serving sizes of these grains have increased a little because vegetables and chicken don’t always fill me up for too long. I have had to cut out some marinades that we used to use because of their ingredients, but I have found that it’s easy to replicate those marinades using different allergen free ingredients.



 Going out for ice cream is one of our favorite things to do here in Tucson. It’s almost always ice cream weather here! Sometimes, I’m able to find sorbet in ice cream shops, and sometimes I just go without. It’s probably better for my waistline, anyway. I’ll tell you this - It’s much easier to diet when the fattening foods you love make you sick.

For someone who was eating entirely clean a year ago, using mixes for baking and relying on pre-packaged granola bars is a little frustrating. It’s worth it in the end, though, so we’re rolling with it. My boys are always asking me “Is that gluten free?” They have seen how sick I get when I eat it, and they have also noticed that sometimes I’m just not thinking about it. After eating one way for 33 years, sometimes I forget that I have to watch out for certain foods. Last Christmas my neighbor brought over cookies and without even thinking, I took a bite of one.  

Having adult onset food allergies is challenging. I don’t truly understand why this happened, and I’m scared that in the future I’ll become sensitive to other foods. We have to live day by day, right? And today? I’ll make gluten free, dairy free chocolate chip cookies.



I’d like to note that I have several food allergies, but do not have Celiac disease. I’m happy to answer questions or point you towards resources that I use, but am not a medical professional.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Truly Miss Elaine-ous Monday

The entire family dressed in green on Saturday to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in our own little way.

Tim also made green pancakes.




On Friday afternoon The B man went on about the "leprechaun" that wreaked havoc in their classroom at school. They came back to find all kinds of silly things done to the room after their 2nd recess and he was so excited to tell me all about it.  "He" even left all the students their own four-leaf clover coins.  (see photo below, can you spy them?)

I laughed to myself while standing at the kitchen sink, putting dishes in the dishwasher.  What a cute thing for his teacher to do.

You know, invite a leprechaun in... ;)

There is no Irish in my blood but my kids are part Irish on Tim's side.

And I don't mind wearing green myself...


It was a good but busy weekend with two soccer games, one birthday party and a Saturday trip to Sam's (good golly I still miss Costco) in the middle of it all.




Plus we got our new bedroom furniture delivered and I feel like a grown up now.  Or at least a little more like one anyway...




On Sunday evening the children gathered around my laptop to look at Lego games and play sets on the internet.  When B spied the Harry Potter game he started to hum the music from the movies and K tried to follow his lead and started humming random notes and then G joined in too.  I wish I would have taken a video but I was too late, of course.

I just love it when the three of them do something nicely along side each other.



It just warms my green-pancake eating heart.




Today is Miss Elaine-ous Monday!!

ANY "miss elaine-ous" post will do, something from your archives or something brand new! :)

Do you have a post that meant a lot to you but wasn't read by as many folks as you'd hoped? Or one that has great pictures and you want more people to see them? Or do you just have one that you really want to share!?

I'll also choose a random post from those who link up to feature on The Miss Elaine-ous Life Facebook page (please "Like" if you have not already) so even more folks will see a new post every week! Grab the button and link up!  And please visit some of the other linkers as well...








Miss Elaine-ous Monday



If you do not post the button, please still link back to my blog, even if you just put a little blurb at the end of you post such as "It's Monday and I'm being "Miss Elaine-ous" over at The Miss Elaine-ous Life!" - Thanks!! Oh and extra bonus points to anyone who puts a tweet out there, that would be awesome too!  Thanks for linking up!


Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious?
Hosted by Krystyn at Really, Are You Serious?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

My friend called the other day...

In these days of constant busy and growing up little kids and having my mind somewhere else but here, and well, just LIVING, I do not talk to my friends on the phone very much anymore.

I see my local friends and we text or get together for Mom nights where we talk in a group but the one-on-one conversations of love, support and laughter are few and far between these days.

But one Friday morning, my friend J called.  Just four weeks previous she had her second baby boy and when she spoke these words, "I just wanted to make sure this was still your cell phone number...", my heart sank a little.

This is my friend since college.  We have celebrated, laughed, cried, and gone to the bathroom together.  I've seen her in a make-shift queen sheet toga and a gorgeous wedding dress that seemed made just for her.

She came to visit when I was in a complete daze after my first baby was born.  We used to work together and we even broke up with another 'best' friend and still stayed good friends ourselves.

I have lived in Louisiana for almost 3 years now and she wanted to make sure my number was the same.

This is how much we have NOT talked.

I don't say this to be depressing, I just marvel at how fast time really does just GO.

I sat there thinking, "Surely we've spoken on my phone since I moved".... "but maybe it was closer to when we first moved and she thought I'd changed my number since then...",  "or... maybe I'm just a really sucky friend."

I also felt bad that I had not yet officially congratulated her on the birth of her new son.  Yes, I saw her shortly before he was born but after getting email pictures from another friend of ours and glancing at them, I sent an email about how cute the new bundle was and congrats and that was that.

Thankfully she DID call and we had a really good conversation (despite B nagging me to get off the phone - he was home from school that morning! Geez, I never talk! GAH!).

She's adjusting to being the mother of 2 and having a newborn again. We both admitted that we never really know when is a good time to call.  Fact of the matter is there is no perfect time, just like so many other things in life.

Just do it.

Also, I've since sent her congratulatory card to signify that the birth of her son is important to me and she is as well.

I hope there are more phone conversations in our near future.

And yes, my number is still the same.

xo, J, love you...



(this song seems appropriate, and well, I love it).


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I made her a skirt...

During K's last real crib nap on Saturday (yeah, the big girl bed and big girl naps do NOT go hand-in-hand so far...) I mustered up the courage to use my sewing machine again.

MONTHS ago I pinned an easy skirt idea and bought the supplies and everything. But I had a few problems with my brand new machine can you say user error? and was a little hesitant to try again.

But thankfully the stars and seams aligned (!) and I channeled just a bit of the sewing abilities of her and her (I do admire them so!) and I was able to make a skirt for K in just a couple of hours (with interruptions from a couple of certain boys wanting snacks, etc.)

I may even be brave enough to make another one (or three).

I mean after all, it's perfect for scooter-ing and dancing in the yard... :)





On Katie Kay:
Top: Tea
Skirt: handmade by ME!
Shoes: hand-me-downs, Payless brand
Hair flower: Etsy - BriarClaire


Linking up with Small Style for the first time!





Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Cheerio, Old Chap!

I think I've watched a bit too many Downton Abbey episodes lately, what do y'all think? (I'm almost caught up, 2 more episodes to go... I hear that last one is a zinger...)


The little kids had a pre-lunch appetizer of milk and Cheerios the other day and I grabbed my camera because they had matching bowls and spoons and they were all coordinated with their jammies.... that you know... they were still wearing.  Plus the lighting was good and well, they are cute.






While I was editing these photos I got a message in my inbox that the new PicMonkey site was ready to go so I thought I would give it a spin. (thanks for the twitter heads-up on this new site, Galit!)


I usually edit my photos in Adobe Lightroom but sometimes I like a quicker, easier way to do it and with Picnik going away I was getting a little nervous.  Enter PicMonkey which is VERY similar to Picnik and extremely user friendly.

Here's a little comparison for you...



The first photo was edited in lightroom and the second one was edited with PicMonkey.  I admit I did "tint" her eyes with a more blue color in the PicMonkey picture.  Other than the color being a little more blue tinged in the second one, I think they turned out pretty similar overall.

What do y'all think?



parenting BY dummies

Monday, March 12, 2012

Exasperating Boy

As I have mentioned before, one of my children can exasperate me to no end...


In the morning he snuggles in next to me in our bed.  In the evening he runs wild about the house, literally bouncing off the walls and furniture.

One minute he's asking for hugs and kisses and the next he is asking for it, if you know what I mean.

He NEEDS a lot of me.  Just so much.

Maybe I've made him this way... maybe he just IS this way.

I pity the person who falls for those dimples some day.  I do.



I hear no complaints from school except that maybe he is too quiet, not as involved as he could be and I stand and scratch my head, with no idea what they are talking about.

At the playground he runs and wails and screams and plays so loudly the other mothers look.  At me.

Maybe at school he just folds into the fold.

But here he is, the "middle child" looking for attention and time.

The other day I was so frustrated with his actions and his wise older brother told me that he probably has to "let it out" with me since he is so good in school.

I guess I would have to let it out too.



He clings to my neck when I drop him off.  What will he do next year when it's every day and the long sidewalk is his landing point?

Sometimes I close my eyes and I'm still cradling him to my breast, watching his older brother play trains around us.

Other times I'm wondering what he will be like when so few of his days include me for very long...



It takes him a while to wind down at night, he needs less sleep than the rest. But when he's out, he is out.

And it's so lovely to watch him sleep.

:)

this image is SOOC - no editing for once