I went running tonight to relax. (now there's a sentence I never thought I would type...)
It was a good run despite the fact that I'm fighting a slight head cold and have been on a strict after-dinner diet of Breyer's "light" chocolate chip mint ice cream this week. Yeah, like a 1/2 a cup(ish) a night... (WHY does the grocery story INSIST on selling things like this? and WHY oh why must the serving size be so small? geez.)
Anyway, I went 4 miles and for quite some time of that distance I was actually unaware that I was still going at a 5.7 mph clip. Instead my brain played back the day's events and tears started to fill my tired eyes. It was not the first time I'd cried today.
School was closed today (for ABSOLUTELY no reason, I might add) and I knew that was a recipe for many little disasters. I was right.
Perhaps it was my initial attitude about B being home all day that got things off to a bad start. (and please note that he is not really the problem but rather his younger brother who is an expert at pushing his big brother's sensitive buttons and uses his skills frequently).
No matter what all went down, I was NOT the best mother I could have been today. Now granted, they were not the "best" kids either but that doesn't matter. I am their mother. I am their example. I am the adult. I need to be better. I HAVE to be.
I only get one chance with these little people and part of me feels like sometimes I'm really screwing up royally.
While I was processing all of this during my run I came to the conclusion that I'm trying to do too much. As I think so many of us mother's are these days.
On any given day, I'm going for a run, taking photos, making a full meal for dinner, trying to teach myself to sew, driving from school to catechism to soccer practice (with two smaller children in tow). I'm Membership VP of the local Moms club and there are meetings and play dates (at my house). I'm blogging and trying to visit other's blogs, texting, watching t.v., playing words with friends, and on Facebook and Twitter ALL. AT. THE. SAME. TIME.(well, those last few things anyway. I don't text and drive Mom.)
And I'm over here wanting and yearning for EVERYONE to like me and hoping no one takes anything I say or post or tweet the wrong way.
All the while trying to be SuperMOMandWIFE.
And then I make friends like Angela England, who I met at Bloggy Boot Camp back in October, where she spoke on SEO and I got to see her again last week at Blissdom. She claims on her main site "The Untrained Housewife" that "my house is often a wreck, my family scrounges for food amongst the science-experiment that is my refrigerator and my attempts at teaching my children are sporadic at best." But all I see is that she's a wonderful mother to her children (that she brings with her to the conferences) and a fabulous multi-tasker. And earlier today I found out via twitter that she used to be a massage therapist. And the following tweet exchange happened between us.
I really like her take on it all and I aspire to have the same attitude, you know that being amazing and slightly insane at the same time is all good. :)
But still, I'm thinking that at least for me, something's definitely got to give.
I'll let y'all know what it is...
see, they're still smiling (well, 2/3 of them anyway...) and I'm praying for a better day tomorrow...starting with ME.