Once upon a time I was in a hurry (which happens a lot by the way) and had just 30 minutes before I needed to pick up the kiddos from school. This was actually on The B Man's birthday and I decided to stop at the Big Lots near our house (and school) to grab some wrapping paper. After also finding a cute $1.00 scrapbooking item and yet another bag of plastic eggs, I was good to go.
I got to the check-out.
There were two lanes open. And let me just tell you right now, I picked the WRONG one.
As I began to realize what was going on in front of me I started to see my life flash before my eyes. And curse my name for getting behind these two. These ladies, mother and daughter, that managed (truly GOD himself only knows how) to spend just shy of $350.00 at Big Lots. That is NOT a typo.
They pulled everything from 100 thread count sheets to ketchup out of that cart. And as I began to feel week and dehydrated, the daughter (who was probably in her 50's) continued shopping in the front of the store, adding things to their enormous purchase.
She piled on 4 plastic lawn chairs, a bag of charcoal, an Easter bunny, some candles and a couple of bags of chips.
I glanced at the man standing behind me and mouthed the word "WOW!" and for a moment we had a good little chuckle together. They were COMPLETELY clueless. But then reality set in again as I turned back around and realized they were STILL there and the checker was STILL scanning items.
And, just as I was about to cry and play the "I'm-pregnant-but-not-really-showing-yet-so-please-let-me-out-of-here-with-my-$4-worth-of-crap" card, they were finally finished. As my heart started to beat again, Momma pulled out her check book. I haven't seen anyone write a check at a store since like 1999. I really thought I might go into cardiac arrest.
Once I eventually saddled up to the counter with my few items and my $5.00 in cash I looked at the checker and said "My transaction is going to be quite a bit easier." For some reason, she was not amused.
As I passed Mama Cass and her daughter packing their car, I hopped in mine and realized it had been a 5 minute shopping trip, with a 15 minute plus wait to check out. And while picking up the kids and taking them home I figured they were probably still there loading their canned chili and colanders into the back of their Toyota Tercel.
So to the two ladies from Big Lots, I honor you for spending more money in that store than I EVER thought was possible. And while I'm at it, good job at robbing me of my time and patience. If I see your clown car in the parking lot next time, I'll be sure to take a detour over to my dentist and get a root canal instead.
A Jay and Deb Production.
P.S. Today's the last day to enter the giveaway for The Noonie!